More often than not we try to focus too much on making other people feel loved and cared for and sometimes we over look making sure we are taking care of ourselves. Self-acceptance is not easy and it will not happen over night. There will good days and there will be bad days. Self-love is a large subject to talk about, but I have narrowed it down to some of the most common things people might feel at one time or another. I am not a therapist or doctor. Most of these topics come from my own personal experience that I want to share what has helped me and some things I have learned from talking to my friends.
1. Learn to love yourself before loving someone else.
A common saying is that you can't find love in someone else until you learn to love yourself. This may be an overused saying for years and years, but it is because it still holds true. If you love and accept yourself as a whole, then you will not need to find love and acceptance from another person. You have the strength and independence to survive on your own when you love yourself. If we were to find happiness within ourselves and not require someone else's approval about ourselves, we wouldn't need that kind of reinforcement.
2. Focus on being alone and taking care of yourself.
For a while, I thought I needed a boyfriend or a friend to give me the approval that I am worthy of love and that I am good enough. I'll be honest – I've never had a boyfriend and at times learning to love myself was hard. It helped me grow though, being on my own. I learned things about myself I wouldn't have ever before if I was in a relationship. I have made strong friendships and those as well sometimes helped me grow and learn about myself. Sometimes I liked to be on my own, though. I grew then too, it gave me time to reflect on me. It's okay to reflect on yourself and think, "Hey, I did a really good job on my speech that I was nervous for!" or treating yourself to a day to take care of yourself.
3. Accept your faults and love your strengths.
Seeking happiness and love within ourselves is not easy. Loving ourselves is the hardest thing we will do. You are human, which means you naturally have faults. It is 100% okay to have faults. To love ourselves fully is to love our faults, as well as our strengths. It's easy to look at another person and not see things they feel negatively towards themselves. It's easy to see all the positives in them. Why wouldn't you do the same for yourself?
4. Reduce your stress and build you self-confidence!
On the bad days where we don't feel confident in yourself, you need to find ways to make yourself less anxious about your appearance. When I'm having a difficult day I do things that I enjoy. I read a few pages in a book I'm reading at the time, listen to my favorite bands, talk to a friend, drink tea, draw, and go for a walk surrounded by mostly nature and photograph what I see. It's important to be mindful of the things you enjoy to help reduce your stress.
5. Appreciate beautiful, peaceful things in life.
I hope these radiant flowers bring some color into your day as much as they did while I was photographing nature (while evidently being anxious). It's helped me a lot though, so go out and find what you enjoy!
6. Listen to your body.
When you stop comparing yourself to others, you will also find that your body is there and it takes care of you. It helps you survive even when you aren't taking care of it. Your body also will send signals to let you know when something is wrong. Listen to them and respect your body. Some things don't happen because you caused them. You cannot control your genetics, but you can do everything you can to help yourself. Your body can be repaired if you allow it the time. Your body loves you and your faults. If you make a mistake, forgive yourself, and move on.
7. Do good things for people.
I love to do good things for other people. It brings me warmth when I show someone I care for them. Not only does happiness become shown on the outside, but it can be felt on the inside. An inner feeling no one else knows unless you share. It's personal and connected to you. You may feel giddy and the feeling in your chest might become light. This is a good feeling, even if it feels different.
8. Allow yourself to feel everything.
Embrace your feelings. Allow yourself to feel. Cry if you need to. Laugh, be angry, feel regret, emptiness, happy, and scared. Allow them to pass as well, don't hold on for too long. Don't get stuck in a rut.
9. Give yourself a break.
It is also okay to take a day to give yourself a break. Even if it requires canceling plans or setting boundaries with people. Give yourself the space you need.
I still don't love myself completely and other days are rough. I'm struggling with depression and anxiety, which are things you should love about yourself too. Your faults are just as important as your strengths. Self love I believe is a life long journey. Life is always changing, we are always changing and not everything is constant. To sum up the guide in a shorter way, these are some tips to follow regarding self-love: Stop comparing yourself to others, learn to love your faults, let go of negative feelings (but allow yourself to feel), forgive yourself, and find things that you enjoy or that please you.
Please leave a comment below discussing things you do on difficult days and what you enjoy to make you happy. Share about your past experiences you've gone through and any tips you have! Thank you for reading! You are brave, you are strong, and you are tough. You will get through this.
