Now I want to start by saying this is not an attack on Republicans in general. While I primarily identify as a Democrat; I can understand, respect, and even sometimes agree with Republican ideology. What I can’t understand, respect, or even fathom is why you’ve decided to nominate the third horseman of the apocalypse for president. (Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un being the first two - both are people who endorse Trump) Now look, I know I’m not changing anyone’s political views here and that's not my goal. My goal is to make you laugh because the alternative is to be terrified of what might happen November 8th. Now, if you’re a Trump supporter and you’ve read this far for some strange reason, I encourage you to turn back now, because this article doesn’t get any better for you. Now without further ado, here are some reasons that Trump is not only a ridiculous candidate, but a ridiculous person in general.

1. Donald Trump is literally a toddler.

The man is pretty much 4^th grade boy running for class president by promising to have free soda and cookies for everyone, every day, forever. And the other elementary school next door will pay for them. While the 4^th grade part may seem a bit arbitrary, it’s not. Because according to several news outlets including, but not limited to, Newsweek, The Boston Globe, Huffington Post, The New York Post, The Washington post, and I’m assuming just about every other post out there, Trump speaks at a 4^th grade level. To give you some context, I’ve put the above part of this article (not including this sentence) into the Kincaid Readability Tester and it reads at a 9^th grade level. A sentence that reads at a 4^th grade level would be something along the lines of “Donald is a very mean man and can't be president.” Coincidence? Obviously. But funny nonetheless. Combine his speech acumen with his toddler like hands, which were recently confirmed by a cast at Madame Tussands wax museum and I'm pretty sure that the republican party has nominated a 4th grader for president. Except there's a lot of 4th graders I'd vote for over Trump.

2. Donald Trump says some insane things.

The reason so many people make fun of Trump is because the man constantly says the dumbest things. For example, Greta Van Susteren was once interviewing Donald Trump for Fox news of all places, and asked why he wouldn't share his plan to stop ISIS. Trumps eloquent response? "Because I don't want to, Greta!" And even though you weren't wondering, that Trump response was a little below his usual speaking level registering in at a 3rd grade level. Trump has also been quoted saying "If Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her". This might just explain why Trump is polling so well in Alabama.

Yes, Trump, the man who has called Mexican immigrants rapists and murderers, claimed he wasn't racist by saying, “Well, I am not a racist, in fact, I am the least racist person that you’ve ever encountered. " Now I feel like this should be obvious, but just because you say something doesn't make it true. I can put french fries in my teeth and say "I'm a pretty little walrus" as many times as I want and it's still only partially true.

Recently, Trump said that Putin wouldn't go into Ukraine... Despite the fact that Putin did and annexed Crimea over 2 years ago. Once told of this "The people of Crimea should be happy that Putin brought them into a better country". Yes because all citizens are immediately grateful when you forcefully rip them from their home country. It'd be like whatever moose is running Canada these days deciding to just take North Dakota. Admittedly I'm pretty sure we have two Dakotas for that reason exactly but the point remains. Trump also equated the pain of Ghazala Khan's sacrifice of losing her son in combat to his sacrifice of working “very, very hard” to build his business. Honestly I don't even want to try to make that funny because that is such bullshit and you know it.

To be fair, the man is a chick magnet. According to Trump, “All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me – consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” I just threw up in my mouth a little. He has repeatedly asked his aides "why we can't just use nuclear weapons?" I don't know about you but personally, I happen to be against the end of the world. I kinda like this one. If Trump was elected president the world is going to look like Dr. Strangelove real quick.

Now I'm going to fess up here. I lied a little bit. One of the above things didn't happen. You want to know what the really scary thing is? You're not entirely sure which one it is.

3. Do you really need a third damn reason?

Look. The man is xenophobic, lying, psychopath. There's evidence to show that Trump only ran for president as a publicity stunt. (he originally stated his campaign goal was to come second in the Republican primary). Even he didn't believe America would be stupid enough to let him run for president. Then there's the constant lying that Trump repeatedly get's called out on. His lies range from saying the NFL contacted him about debates conflicting with games (they didn't), to claiming he watched thousands of Muslims cheer as the twin towers come down (never happened) and many many more. Honestly, there's a part of me that's thinks "Screw it. Let's vote him in and see how quickly the world ends.". That being said, the other part of me that remembers that Earth is the only planet with Ice cream really wants the world to keep on turning. And in the off chance you enjoy living, you should probably not vote for Trump either.

And for those of you keeping track at home, the lie was the second half of #4. While Trump hasn't said the citizens of Crimea should be grateful, he has said the United Nations should accept that they're part of Russia now. What a lovely man.