I have tried to be an open book lately. I talk openly about having depression, anxiety, and untreated ADD. However, it hasn't really helped anything because I've been telling myself that I'm not worth it. Worth what? I don't know. I just don't feel worth it. But the problem comes in when sad me is overshadowed by the real me and I literally look in the mirror and ask, "What are you doing?"

I feel like a broken mirror. I still function but not the way I'm supposed to. I try to make the extra shattered parts work but they don't work. I feel like the mirror that Bloody Mary broke out of into the real world. I constantly feel like there is something waiting around the corner to knock my hanger down and shatter me even more.

I feel stupid. I feel like, when I offer my opinion, no one takes it seriously because I'm not popular or I had a bad reputation. I'm actually really smart. People just don't want to see it.

I feel ugly. I feel like people see me on my good days, when I wear a full face of makeup and cute clothes, and say, "Who is she fooling?" I feel like they look at me and think I'm nothing but a joke.

I know I'm out of place and unwanted. That's been made obvious by some hurtful words by a supposed friend. I never feel like I'm good enough to write let alone be read and I love writing.

I have been doing color guard for ten years and I still feel like I don't belong because of self-consciousness and doubt placed in my head by previous, "hangers."

These are all thoughts that I have when I'm laying in bed every single night because I have been let down so many times. I have been pushed off of my wall, hoping to be caught, just to hit the ground and shatter some more. I get haphazardly thrown back on the wall because, "Oh, she's always been there for me to do whatever. Why will next time be any different?"

Why should it be different?

Why should I change what I do? It keeps people in my life. I will eventually fall and not have a mirror to break anymore. I'll just be a frame. Why should I change?

I'm the best mirror there is. I compliment everyone. I help people even though they left me stranded with no help. Everyone likes my breaks because there is a piece for everyone.

You know what though? I am worthy of the falls other people put me through. I am worthy of the falls I put myself through. Someone, somewhere, loves a broken mirror. They love the experience that it has. They admire each of its cracks. They even choose to put it back together with gold to make it stronger. Someone, somewhere will see this ugly, fat, clumsy, destroyed mirror and love it. They will love the shattered glass, the cracked frame, and all of the little piece that comes with loving something so breakable.

This isn't just for me, the mirror. This is for my next hanger, the next person to love me. My hanger maybe damaged but we will be damaged together. We will love harder and deeper than anyone has ever loved us before.

This is also for anyone that has a hard time being open about themselves. Love your cracks. You decide what people see of you though. You can sit under a sheet if you want to, You can show every crack that has ever been put in your mirror. It's up to you. Take control of your mirror.