No college orientation is complete without some sort of education on the meaning of consent. Posters proclaiming "no means no" adorn college discussion boards. Rape and sexual assault are problems that colleges strive to address, that students are made extensively aware of.
So why, in high school, does the topic of sexual assault suddenly become a taboo subject?
I have close friends—high school friends—who have been pressured into committing sexual acts. Afterwards, they spoke of their experiences hesitantly, with excuses like, "Well, I guess I never really said the word 'no,'" or "I mean, he just got caught up in the moment." It hurt them, but they didn't know that it was wrong, that that situation could have been avoided if both they and their respective partners had known the meaning of consent.
Consent isn't unclear. It's not just, "Well, he didn't say no." Nor is it, "She acted like she wanted to." Consent is a question—"Are you comfortable with this particular sexual act?"—and an answer—"Yes, I am comfortable with this particular sexual act." We all know the definition of consent—permission for something to happen or agreement to do something, in this case sexual activity. But most high schoolers wouldn't recognize a situation where that consent is lacking. When we imagine sexual assault, we see a random masked attacker holding his victim down in an alleyway while he or she pleads to be released. What we don't see is a couple, the girlfriend biting her lip nervously and whispering about feeling tired while the boyfriend continues to kiss her or touch her. We don't see a boy shaming a girl about "leading him on" until she gives in out of unjustified feelings of guilt.
Not all forms of sexual assault are intentional, malicious or prosecutable. Sometimes it's just one party failing to recognize the other party's discomfort with the situation. That doesn't mean that cases of unintentional sexual assault can't still be hurtful or emotionally damaging.
Why is it that the age of consent is 16, but we don't learn the meaning of consent until 18? Why is it that we're encouraged to explore our sexuality, but not taught about the importance of establishing limits and boundaries?
It seems that high school sex ed programs gloss over discussions of sexual assault and rape. Education about such scenarios usually focuses on situations where consent is clearly lacking, as opposed to the gray areas in between.
Sexual assault doesn't only exist in college, or among adults. We turn a blind eye to sexual assault among high-schoolers, and that puts every high school student at risk for falling victim to it—or for failing to properly address it when it happens.
Between consenting adults, sex can be a beautiful experience. But between two teenagers, one of whom isn't comfortable, it can be destructive. Let's allow teenagers' first experience to be positive, not negative, by addressing sexual assault and preventing it from happening. There is no reason that teenagers shouldn't be completely educated on sexual assault when it's something that affects them—probably almost as much as it affects college students.
