This article is probably going to seem very strange to you, especially coming from a millennial. But, I don't participate in the sexually expressive part of American youth culture that encourages frequent, new sexual partners and experimentation of sexual compatibility. I never had a season of understanding my sexuality through experiencing it with multiple partners. I never engaged in sexual experiences simply for the release. I never really asked myself what my sexual preferences and needs and tastes were. I just had a quiet confidence that one day I would explore that part of myself with someone else, and it would be a learning experience we had together. And, I think that's been really good for my mental health.

I was raised in a Christian home, so sex was taught to be sacred. It still is to me. I won't pretend we live in a culture that adopts the views I have, nor will I shame others whose lifestyle and choices don't reflect mine. I am responsible for my own life. And I have found my commitment to abstinence to be something that has encouraged a healthy sexuality, which encouraged healthy self-esteem and, in turn, good mental health.

Let me explain...

I don't think people always understand how directly your sexual life and your mental health are linked. In fact, increased or decreased libido are very often symptoms of mental disorders or side effects of some medications prescribed for mental disorders. Those who have bipolar disorder are prone to hypersexuality in periods of mania, while those with depression may lose all appetite for sex at all. Mental health is about understanding yourself intimately and doing everything you can to provide yourself with proper love and care. For example, I always make sure I don't make too many social engagements during the week. I am fundamentally introverted and I need time to myself to unwind, so I ensure that I build that time into my week. When I stretch myself too thin socially, I open myself up and make myself more vulnerable to depressive episodes.

Okay, here's a basic example of how your sexual life can impact your mental health: think of two people, one is in a healthy, fulfilling relationship with a loving partner where they view sex as a powerful bonding experience for both parties involved. The other is in an emotionally draining and unhealthy relationship whose sexual life with their partner is unfulfilling and reflects their relationship. Do you think their sex lives are going to affect their mental state in either a positive or negative way? You betcha.

While those are boiled down and simplified examples, they illustrate the deeper meaning of sexual activity. The first woman was already in a healthy relationship, so her sex life was healthy and was functioning optimally. The second was not. Our sexual life is deeply emotional, not simply physical. Our emotions inform our health. I would argue that reducing sex to just another thing that needs to be satisfied, akin to hunger or sleep, is not good for our mental health, or our physical health. Actually, the people I have known in my life that see sex as a basic need that requires fulfillment can actually become reliant on the high. During sex, you release endorphins, and we all know what those do. They make you feel amazing. So, if you are someone who always feels like crap, you very well may become addicted to feeling that and chase after whatever is going to give you a high. Some people become addicted to coke, other people become addicted to sex. In short, check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Unfortunately, this is often what hook-up culture boils down to. It's about immediately fulfilling a need and using the other person to achieve that. Maybe that need is a release from stress, or because you just need someone to make you feel wanted. To some, that's an innocently easy agreement between two consenting parties and it's perfectly healthy and beneficial to both sides. Personally, I don't share that view. Because it's not real connection; it's pretend. I think it lessens our ability to connect sexually by making it common and significantly less important. Mental illness often makes it harder to connect to others, for many reasons. I think it's beneficial to encourage our ability to connect through our life choices, instead of damaging it.

I believe sex is about sealing an intimate bond between two people who have made a commitment to each other. It's spiritual as well as emotional and physical. Having this view of human sexuality actually really helped me to develop a sense of self-worth; it helped me to realize that the most intimate parts of who I was were reserved and precious and worth defending. I wasn't confused, I wasn't trying to find myself in someone else. I felt solidified as a woman. I never felt the fear of someone wanting me for the wrong reasons, or like my worth was measured in how I would perform or what I looked like. And it's made my current relationship feel deeply rooted in something with more longevity than sexual chemistry. We are attracted to each other, sure. And that's very important. But that's not the core of our relationship. The core is a solid friendship. And should we get married (as I believe in abstinence before marriage), then being able to have that experience together will be all the more unique and special, because it will have so much time and development and emotional intimacy behind it. It will mean more.

Those who suffer from depression and anxiety may either go one of two ways: they may try to heal their depression by constantly seeking new sexual partners to stave off the immense loneliness and isolation mental illness can cause. Or, they will shut down and isolate themselves and walk away from relationships that could have helped shape a healthier future.

Both extremes are unhealthy. And you may not adhere to the belief systems I do, so abstinence prior to marriage may not be a choice you make. But I would warn you against the extremes. Don't shut people out because your illness tells you to, and don't let just anyone into that sacred part of who you are because your illness tells you to. Because suffering from a mental illness leaks into every part of your life, so you always have to check your motives for the choices you make. Are you going out every night and getting smashed off your face because you just love people that much? Or are you self-medicating in a destructive way? Are you wanting to engage sexually with another person because you have developed a relationship or do you just want to feel something good to stave away how crappy your depression makes you feel? I get that, I do. I have been there, in my own way. I understand. But don't let your illness make your decisions for you, especially in regards to your sexuality and relationships.

In short, abstinence has never been anything I regret. In fact, I am very, very grateful that I was raised in a home that encouraged me to make that commitment to myself and taught me to value myself as a sexual being. I encourage you to do the same, whether you abstain or not. Just keep in mind how important that part of you is, how important you are. Don't sell yourself short for any reason, for anything, simply because you have a mental illness. Don't give in to what it tells you. You are a strong, worthy, beautiful, intelligent warrior. Don't forget that. Ever.