For a while I was not ready to have sex again. I have always thought of it being something so special and meaningful. Something that you share with someone, not necessarily because you love them, but because you trust them. That's what I thought of it. Ya thought, past tense.
Since starting college last year I would get myself into situations where I was about to, but then I would back out because I couldn't betray myself like that. I knew the next day he wouldn't call me or text me or acknowledge me when he would see me on campus. I am done being treated like I am nothing, after I give in. What I mean by give in is that the guys convinces and persuades that everything will be ok and that you can trust them, but then they totally break that promise the next day. They don't answer your calls, or texts, or say hi to you. I don't want to feel like that again.
Coming back to college this year as a sophomore I thought I was ready to have sex, but I only wanted it with one person. We talked all summer and we text and he calls, but we are "together." I just felt like I could trust him. But there is something bizarre about this situation. I'm ready, but....he isn't. The roles are reversed. I kept asking myself, is it me? But it isn't me. It also isn't him though.
I never thought I would meet a guy who wasn't ready to have sex. Usually guys always want sex and they keep begging for it until you give in. But not with him. He's different. He thinks of it as something special, intimate, meaningful, and most importantly, sacred. He doesn't fully trust me yet and that's ok. I am open to waiting or just not doing it at all. Because once you have sex everything gets complicated, whether you're in a relationship or just friends or a thing, it gets all messed up.
I'm not ready. I felt like I wanted to do it just to do it. But for me I can't go out to a party and meet a guy and go home with him. I have to know him first and know I can trust him. So if you're reading this, I am ok with it. I have finally escaped my mind and realized my morals. Sex is sacred for me too.
