1. Blitz: stage five clinger. We've all seen him: the blitzer. The player who seemingly comes out of nowhere and takes down the quarterback right when he's about to make a game-changing pass. Just like when you think you met a great person. You are ready to take it slow, they throw a curve ball at you with crazy obsessiveness. Always texting you, keeping track of who you are talking to, snap chatting, making eye-contact with, you name it. Much like a blitz, you can't see them coming, but when they do, there is no escaping. You are left dazed and confused, because just a second ago you were first and goal, and now you are fourth and 20.
2. Statue of Liberty: the unfaithful one. This play takes an experienced, coordinated and sly quarterback. One wrong move and his trick play has gotten him sacked by a 300-pound lineman and embarrassed in front of a huge crowd. There’s no flag thrown on the play, but mess this up and you could find yourself alone on the bench for the rest of the game. Cheating on your significant other may take talent to get away with, but once caught, you just lost your relationship and, hopefully, your dignity.
3. Intentional grounding: one-sided fight. A lack of defense or open offense can cause panic-mode for a quarterback, resulting in him just throwing the ball away. Throwing it away might be frustrating to the rest of the team, but coming from the one that is holding the pigskin, there’s nothing you can do about it. Much like a relationship, when one person doesn’t see a future, or your time together going anywhere, panic mode sets in. Even though there might have been a perfectly single and hot wide-open receiver, you are just going to have to let that one go and move on to the next play.
But, do remember, throwing away greatness is a 10-yard penalty and a not so pleased crowd or coach.
4. Hail Mary: last chance. There is one second left on the clock, no timeouts and you are down by six with 50-yards to go. The only option here is to hope your Jameis Winston arm can throw far enough downfield and find the Ryan Switzer of your receivers. The fight and hard work of the previous four quarters is all put on the line, just like your relationship. You are tired of fighting and going back-and-forth, and it really has been a fun ride, but it is time to settle things once and for all. Unless one of you is confident enough to risk everything to make the pass, and the other is in the end-zone ready to make the diving catch, the 60 minutes of sweat and calf cramps was all for nothing.
5. The option: long-term lovin.’ There are various types of options but, regardless, they are plays that take
full-commitment from two players. After the snap, the quarterback, and usually a running
back or fullback, take off together. One defends and one tries to get as
much of a gain as possible. The second man is there for the back-up plan
of a lateral pass, in case there is trouble. The perks of a long-term
relationship are much like those of an option: always having someone by your
side, supporting you and being there just in case anything goes wrong. You are a
power duo ready to juke everyone out and stiff arm it into the end zone.
6. Flea-flicker: the lead on. A trick play that is used to lead the defense into believing that the offense is running the ball. Just when you think you are about to make the tackle of the game, you realize that the ball is actually nowhere near you, because it is being thrown on the other side of the field. Sometimes, one person in a new relationship reads a little too much between the lines and lust starts to emerge. You thought it was fine planning Christmas dinner with the family, and coordinating Halloween costumes, when suddenly Facebook tells you your new boo in a relationship with someone else. Didn't expect that one. If you're caught on your heels during this play, it looks like a touchdown is in store -- just not for your team.
7. Johnny Football: the single one. Whether you are heartbroken, the heart-breaker, or are just plain single -- just know there is always hope of finding someone. It takes the right time, right place and persistence for some of the greatest things to happen. Just ask Johnny.
