I vaguely remember my high school senior night. I still have the blanket they gave me, with my name and number embroidered in my high school's colors. I have pictures with friends and teammates that I'll always cherish, but not quite have an intense emotional connection with because at that time 4 years ago, senior night, at least for me, wasn't signaling the end to my athletic career. I was pursuing my dreams and continuing on to play lacrosse in college.
Unlike many of my friends and teammates at the time, I wasn't saying goodbye to sports, at least not yet. Although I was sad to be leaving my friends and high school life behind, I walked off the field after that senior night with dry eyes.
Flash forward 4 years and I have just completed my final regular season of lacrosse, and just this past weekend celebrated senior night with my team. I'd like to say I was able to hold it together, not being the overtly emotional type, but even now as I'm writing this I have tears in my eyes as I think about how close the end is.
With one "guaranteed game" left (the conference semi-final) I could very well be embarking on my last week of practice, something I never imagined I would be saying. Up until this point I had somehow tricked myself into believing I'd never have to say goodbye. These feelings and emotions are something that can't be explained, and are only understood by someone in the position I have found myself in currently.
In some ways lacrosse and sports will always be a part of my life, but after this season is done, never again will I be able to call myself a part of a team. I'll never put on my uniform, lace up my cleats and walk out with 20 of my favorite people and play a sport I love and have dedicated countless hours of my life to.
I'll never feel the same rush of adrenaline and excitement after scoring a goal or watching my teammates make a big play. I'll also never feel the heartbreaking disappointment of a big loss, and the solidarity of bearing that loss with my team.
What hurts most of all however, as I close this chapter of my life, is trying to figure out who I am without lacrosse. For almost a decade now I have been "Wambam"--that girl who plays lacrosse". Its almost time to say goodbye, and when I do, I'll have to figure out who I am just as "Andrea".
