Selling Yourself Short

Selling Yourself Short

You are worth more than you give yourself credit for.
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This summer, I think I grew up quite a bit. Before, if asked to describe myself, I would probably name an entire list of negatives before getting to a single positive thought. While I still lack the confidence I wish I had, I’ve learned to love myself and appreciate what I have to offer. If you read my article from last week, you’ll remember that I told a certain guy that I had been crushing on him. When things didn’t work out, it became such a natural intuition for me to think so negatively on myself for why he couldn’t and wouldn’t like me back. I sold myself short.

I have a friend who I have seen the same conflict in recently. While it is something I knew she always struggled with, this year, it has become so blatantly obvious that I can’t sit back and watch anymore. If you asked me to describe her, here is what I would say: pretty, doesn’t need makeup, winning personality, kind heart, honest, intelligent, and the list continues. Now, here are some things I have heard her mention about herself: big, large legs, bad morals/ways, introverted. Guess what? She is selling herself short.

Are you catching onto the pattern here? I sure hope so.

For you gentlemen out there reading this, I will throw in an example from one of my best guy friends. Recently, he has struggled with his own inner conflicts. Some of the ways he would describe himself include: awkward, lanky, not-so-muscular, mean, blunt, not relatable, over-talkative. Here’s how I see him: generous, loving, listening, knowledgeable, funny, friendly, inviting, and honestly, I could go on forever.

The truth is, we don’t think so highly of ourselves sometimes. Think of yourself as a shirt in a store. Say your price tag is $100. After an hour, you are still sitting on the rack while the neighboring shirts have been picked over. Eventually, you are taken to the sale rack and degraded to maybe $20. Sometimes we treat ourselves like that. We think we aren’t worth as much as we truly are, so we sell ourselves short and take what we can get.

To the friends I have mentioned and to anyone else out there facing this problem, know your worth. Otherwise, we find ourselves in situations we don’t want to be in. We find ourselves at parties we didn’t want to come to, but we wanted to have friends for a night. We try alcohol and drugs and we have sex because we want to fit in, feel admired and be loved by someone. We know in our minds that the affection we feel at that moment is not the same affection we will feel in the morning, but we do it anyways as a passage to escape our own insecurities.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“When you realize how much you are worth, you will stop giving people discounts.”

This is so true. Start figuring out what kind of people and things you want to be around and do it. If you don’t like drinking, don’t drink. Honestly, my roommate and I like to celebrate Friday nights with games and pizza that we can’t afford. Do what you like and be okay with it. If you don’t like what someone else is doing, you don’t need to do it to be accepted. In all honesty, you are just trying to be accepted into a crowd that you weren’t meant to be in. It is okay to be different, and it is okay to stand up and be who you really are without social approval.

Stop selling yourself short, because you are incredible.

Cover Image Credit: Adrianna Roberts

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5 Perks Of Having A Long-Distance Best Friend

The best kind of long-distance relationship.
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Sometimes, people get annoyed when girls refer to multiple people as their "best friend," but they don't understand. We have different types of best friends. There's the going out together best friend, the see each other everyday best friend and the constant, low maintenance best friend.

While I'm lucky enough to have two out of the three at the same school as me, my "low maintenance" best friend goes to college six hours from Baton Rouge.

This type of friend is special because no matter how long you go without talking or seeing each other, you're always insanely close. Even though I miss her daily, having a long-distance best friend has its perks. Here are just a few of them...

1. Getting to see each other is a special event.

Sometimes when you see someone all the time, you take that person and their friendship for granted. When you don't get to see one of your favorite people very often, the times when you're together are truly appreciated.

2. You always have someone to give unbiased advice.

This person knows you best, but they probably don't know the people you're telling them about, so they can give you better advice than anyone else.

3. You always have someone to text and FaceTime.

While there may be hundreds of miles between you, they're also just a phone call away. You know they'll always be there for you even when they can't physically be there.

4. You can plan fun trips to visit each other.

When you can visit each other, you get to meet the people you've heard so much about and experience all the places they love. You get to have your own college experience and, sometimes, theirs, too.

5. You know they will always be a part of your life.

If you can survive going to school in different states, you've both proven that your friendship will last forever. You both care enough to make time for the other in the midst of exams, social events, and homework.

The long-distance best friend is a forever friend. While I wish I could see mine more, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cover Image Credit: Just For Laughs-Chicago

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The Selflessness Of Self-Care

It is OK to nurture yourself before nurturing others.

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Do you find yourself prioritizing taking care of others before taking care of yourself? I do.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Saiarchana, and I am a nurturer. Nurturing people is something that has almost become second-nature to me because I am so accustomed to doing it. I love uplifting others and being there to give them support when they are in need. I love giving support to others so much that I am even majoring in Psychology. Nurturing is something that is incredibly important to me. I nurture others because I don't want anyone to feel alone or unsupported.

But, sometimes I forget to nurture myself.

I used to believe that taking care of others involved sacrifice. This kind of sacrifice was my own energy and self-care. I lived under the belief that by pulling away and taking care of myself, I would be labeled as selfish. So, I kept on nurturing others around me.

Until I broke down.

I was giving so much support and care to others, that I had forgotten about me. I am also a very important person in my life. My relationship with myself is incredibly important, and I had forgotten that. I was so focused on pouring love and care to others, that I had forgotten to water myself with those same sustaining forces. I was getting drained and worn out from nurturing and giving love to so many people around me because I was neglecting myself.

When I realized what was happening, I finally understood: Love is not starvation. I do not need to starve myself in order to feed others. I do not need to neglect my self-care in order to care for and give love to the people around me. Nurturing others does not equate to neglecting myself. Because, once I neglect myself, I end up not being able to show up fully for the people in my life.

I read a quote by an influencer named Allie Michelle. Michelle said:

"Taking care of yourself is selfless. An empty well cannot give water to a village."

When I read this, it was as if my eyes developed clearer vision. I recognized that I believed that self-care was selfish when actually it is one of the most selfless things I can ever do for this world. When I am able to take care of myself, I am at a healthier and stable position to give care to others. When I give from a place of lack, I end up lacking more. Giving my energy to others when I am in desperate need of recharging my own energy will end up making me feel emptier. It is like the good analogy from Michelle's quote. I cannot give from an empty source. When I forget to give love and care to myself, I reach a point where there is nothing left to give to others, because I haven't maintained a solid foundation for myself.

Giving care to others should be a fulfilling experience, not a draining one. In order for it to be a fulfilling experience, I need to make sure I am not giving from a place of emptiness. I need to nurture myself because doing so will give me a stable foundation. So, I finally understand the key to nurturing others: making sure I am nurturing myself first.

So, what now?

I am going to continue giving love and care to others. But this time, I am going to make sure I am nurturing myself too.

I hope you nurture yourself too. You are worthy of the love and care you give to others.

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