This is something that is hard for many people to cope with. I am still struggling to figure out how to love myself for who I am inside and out. Lots of things make this journey hard, but here is the advice that people have given me, and the advice that is working to make me realize that I can love myself.

1. It's not conceited or narcissistic.

This is what I easily have the hardest time with. I have never been able to just take a compliment. I was raised to be polite, but somewhere along the way, I started to equate "polite" with "not worthy of compliments". Through no fault of my family, who would always tell me both what I do well and what needs improvement, I have had a very hard time accepting compliments. And I don't mean that people come up complimenting me me all day, but when I do something good: like get published in the paper, preform in a show, sing a song, or do my job effectively (I'm a stage manager for the theater in my free time); I should be able to just take these compliments and say "Thank You", right? Well sometimes it's harder than that. In high school (when I started doing lots of performances, both theatrical and singing, and sharing my fiction writing more) people would compliment me more and more. I started thinking that by accepting those compliments, I was being conceited and self-centered, in a word: rude. The dictionary definition of self-love is "regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic)" I still struggle with just accepting that someone thought I did something good. Most of the time I flip the compliment around, which is also rude. But this is something that I am working on, and something that I will continue to work on.

2. It doesn't mean I can't improve.

When I started college, I realized that loving myself for who I was did not have to mean that I thought there was no room for improvement. What it really means is not hating myself. I am not happy about my current weight and body. However, loving myself, to me, doesn't mean that I have to be 100% happy with my body. All it means is that I have to accept that there are some good things about my body (just like Hillary Clinton had to admit in the Second Presidential Debate that there are some good things about Donald Trump). I have realized that loving myself does not mean that I have adore every physical feature, it just means that I can find that value. For example: I don't like my weight (both the number and the way my "chub" falls on my body) but I DO think that I have pretty eyes, and I love my hair (even though I rarely show either feature off).

3. Self-Confidence Equals Jobs

This point may not be relevant to everyone, but this is where it comes from: resumes and cover letters. If I cannot write one good thing about myself, then why would a company hire me? A resume is meant to be your best presentation of yourself, so if you can't admit that you are a bamf organizer or you have been published in half a dozen journals. It does not mean that you are the best person ever (refer back to point #1), but it does mean that you are worth being hired. If you have the skill set, then you deserve that job. And hard as it may be (I know I struggle with this constantly) you shouldn't let insecurities get in the way of your ambitions.

4. Being shy doesn't mean hating yourself

Being confident in your abilities (or loving yourself) does not have to translate into being a social butterfly. For me, it does not. I hate putting myself out there (like I am right now), but I realized that it is a necessity. My little sister and her friends (and my friends and peers) struggle with these same feelings. So I realized that, I really need to put myself out there form time to time. For me, that is helping me build my self-love and self-confidence. You can love yourself and still be a wallflower. You can recognize your kick-butt talents and still not want to speak up in class. That is A.O.K. because the world doesn't need everyone to be extroverts all the time. Take pride in knowing that "go to your room" is your #goals for Friday Night.

All this advice is easy to say and really hard to do. I completely understand that. I'm not an extroverted person. I do not have the breezy care-free demeanor of someone who seems to float above all the world's problems. But that's why I wrote this article. I have seen and known people that I would have never guessed had problems loving themselves, writing articles like this. I am writing this for the people like me. Those of you who do not have the confidence in your knowledge to raise your hand in class, for fear you might be wrong. I am writing this for the people who think that saying "thank you" to a compliment makes them conceited. I am writing this for the people who know me, and who will not be surprised at all that I have problems with loving myself. But mostly, I'm writing this for those who need that reminder that it's OK to love yourself.