When I was younger, I tried out for the cheer team. I didn't make the team after the first tryouts and I thought my life was over. It is so easy to laugh at this now and see that it was just a cheer team. But at the time, I put all of my worth into being a cheerleader and being on that team.

Today, I put all of my worth in the people around me.

This includes my boyfriend, my friends, my family, and people that follow me on social media but that I don't actually know. I worry all the time about what I should say in a post because 99% of the time people misinterpret what I say and I feel worse about myself.

I doubt my own voice.

I worry about what to wear going to lecture because subconsciously I am worried about what people will think about my outfit. I doubt my own eyes. I am afraid to say no to people even if they have completely disrespected me and I have every reason to tell them no or to quit. But I continue to put my faith into my grades, my clubs, and everyone around me.

I have to remind myself that is not where my worth is found. However, realistically, this is very hard to do.

I have been struggling a lot lately with feeling like I am not enough. The words "you are a disappointment" are constantly echoing in the back of my head. I spend countless hours organizing things for an organization and I walk into meetings where no one shows up and then I am told that I need to do more.

I go days without eating more than a cup of easy mac a day. Most days my first and only meal is after 9:00 pm. I am constantly running off of 3 hours of sleep because from the time I wake up until midnight, I am doing what everyone else asks me to do and then from about midnight until 4:00 a.m., I am able to work on my own stuff.

I am sacrificing my mental, physical, and emotional health because I am too afraid of upsetting the people around me. I put all of my worth in the happiness of others and it is destroying me.

I could sleep for over 12 hours and still wake up exhausted. My soul is tired. I break myself apart every day from the minute I wake up until I close my eyes. And for what? It will never be enough. I will always say the wrong things.

None of the hours of work I put in will be enough. Even the things that I don't plan for are my fault. I feel like I am sitting in an empty room and a tornado is happening around me, and it is my job to put all of the pieces back together. I tell people I am suffering from depression and I either get blank stares or ignored. I put the worth of my feelings into others, and when they don't validate my feelings, I tell myself I am crazy.

I let myself fall apart because I am trying to find my worth in everyone.

For people, I will never be enough but for God, he sent his son to die for me. I have to write this reminder on my mirror so that I leave my room every morning with this fresh in my mind. This allows me to walk into a meeting and remind myself that the outcome of this meeting does not define me.

God defines me. I define me.

I will fail God daily and he will never tell me I am not enough, so why do I let this feeling leak into my life?