I am graduating from college in a few months, I am almost 21 years old, and I have never been in a relationship. I have blamed this on what I call the "Funny Fat Girl Syndrome." All my life, I have been curvier than girls around me, but I have also been a comedian at heart. A few years ago, my girlfriends would bring me places as the entertainment for the evening but not value me much more than that. I would crack jokes, usually poking fun at my weight (which always resulted in an uproar of laughter), but then the guys would turn around and hit on my friends, leaving me alone. I carried this habit into college, where I was still frequently friend-zoned. I thought I would always just be the chubby class clown. I watched princess movies as a little girl and dreamed of the day I'd find my person. Was I really just meant to die alone in the corner of Forever 21 in the Plus Size section?
I went home a few months ago and had a conversation with my dad. He has never been my go-to relationship guru, but he saw my self-esteem was clearly down. I told him about my Funny Fat Girl Syndrome, and he looked at me almost disgusted. He told me something I had heard a million times in leadership seminars and from collegiate guest speakers at school: "You have to envision yourself how you want to be seen."
That's when I realized: I'm pretty awesome, and it's OK to say that.
How crazy is it that we live in a society where people laugh when you insult yourself but glare when you give yourself praise? The world today has it backward; it should be encouraged to love ourselves and actually mean it. Yes, I have a gnarly laugh, and I find the laughter in most scenarios. That doesn't mean I should pipe down or stop telling jokes because it's "not lady-like." Yes, I have a little more meat on my thighs than other girls, and chocolate is its own food group. That doesn't make me any less #flawless than a Victoria Secret model. I have boobs, a butt, and a strong personality. Since when was that a bad thing?
I also realized it's not my job to make you laugh. If it was, I would be charging a service fee because I am a struggling college student. I'm not meant to be a circus act that just packs up and goes home when you're done. I make people laugh because I want to, and it's not because of the way I look.
After that talk with my dad, I discovered that the only one who appointed me the D.U.F.F. (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) in my life was me. So stop calling yourself a potato, don't cover your mouth when you laugh and don't be afraid to wear that crop top. Be loud, bold, and expressive. Besides, who wants a man that can't cackle while eating some Ben & Jerry's anyway?
