I feel like I am always the one organizing things with my friends. I know deep down that every one of my close friends has a best friend that they are closer to, and I am second. This feeling feels like it won't go away, and I will never be number one. And yet, I still try so hard to become number one never actually surpassing them. The feeling of knowing everyone has someone else in your group who they care about more. It's the feeling of giving 100 percent and receiving 75. I start to feel like I am bugging you so try to not text you as much because I know there are other people you would rather be with. I know I will never be your first choice and I forget sometimes but it always comes back.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how much to trust you. You could go to your best friend and tell them everything I have said. Which is one of the worst thoughts.

The worst part is that I am the person with all the friends. "Friends with everyone from every friend group." But all I want is someone who loves and wants me as much as I love and want them. I am the person who is put together and wants to give the appearance of perfection. Always happy and up for anything, putting others before yourself because you would give anything to be treated that way.

And at the end of the day, it just hurts to think about that how, when you need someone to talk to, you don't even know if anyone wants to listen or cares at all.