The holiday season can leave many feeling low. I don’t know how else to explain the way that I feel. It’s more than the what they call the Christmas Blues.I try to feel thankful at Thanksgiving and there’s no real joy in the Christmas tides. Things seem to always be stressful at the holiday season since I was fifteen. It seems to have lingered for ten years and the feeling lasts months.
I haven’t celebrated a family Thanksgiving for several years. At fifteen life began to change with cancer in the family. We didn’t celebrate and there seemed to be nothing to be thankful for. From that time on I was working on Thanksgiving and life became stressful several months. This was also the year I made sacrifices to help my family, and in a way I’ve been put down for it. This was the year I came home from school everyday and walked over the elementary school to get my sister before the after school program closed. I dropped out the school musical to be home with my dad after school and getting my sister. This was the beginning of late nights just to get homework assignments done and still went to school the next day. Not that anyone else knew.From that time on, I’ve done nothing but work hard to get through the holidays and stopped hoping for much else.
Christmas hasn’t been much better. I used to enjoy starting the morning at home with my parents and sister, then going to my grandparents and ending the night at my aunt’s house. At fifteen that changed as well. It became stressful to even be with family on Christmas Day. It wasn’t fun to be surprised because then we would just go to separate rooms for hours until going to my grandparents. We’d have dinner and again, no real surprise gifts. Not even a Christmas movie plays on the television anymore. And only half of us go to my aunt’s anymore due to other family tensions. Why really bother? This time of year was also the time when I left my parents house under strenuous circumstances at 21. It’s not really been joyful time in my family for some time.
January brings me to my birthday. Sounds like a great time for celebration, right? A chance to forget the holidays that are now behind me; if only. I haven’t celebrated a birthday in over ten years. There’s not been anyone to celebrate with. Anymore, my family can’t even remember my birthday. Last year I went through the desperate act of getting my own cake before work. Another year passed and it doesn’t matter anymore. Also had an ex break up with me just before my birthday, so not a time of celebration for me.
Don’t even get me started on February and the Hallmark holiday of Valentine’s Day. Might be nice to have someone to celebrate with once in my life, but I’m not holding my breath.
March brings spring which then finally brings some renewal in my life. I wait for that time each year. The feeling lasts usually until August. This past August has been the best yet.So I ask: Is it possible just get through the holidays as quickly as possible?
