Heartbreak is unfortunately part of life. It happens to people as young as 10 and as old as 90. For a while, there is some difficulty experienced in coming back to reality or just "getting over" what use to be or what could have been. Fortunately, at one point or another, the heartbroken overcomes the heartbreak and life continues on. Although there are no more tears on the pillow or loud sad music to drown out the crying, every heartbreak remains somewhere within us. There will always be a moment or two where that person crosses your mind and you wonder how they're doing, how quickly they moved on, how many other people have found out how crappy of a person they are, if you'll ever see them again, and of course, how could they? Even if a majority of the sadness, disappointment, anger or resentment towards the person has seemed to dissipate, a simple thought or experience can trigger something, and that is only the synopsis of the horror story known as heartbreak.
You see, the scary thing about heartbreak is that it changes you and it drains you. Whether it is experienced from an intimate relationship or a friendship, it's still painful because you put time, effort, energy and trust into this person; all to be "screwed over" in the end. As a result, the ability to trust other people who will come into your life in the future lowers. Because, as mentioned, that heartbreak remains somewhere within us. Of course not all of the change is negative. I've witnessed, and experienced, growth and an increase in emotional, mental, even physical strength after going through heartbreak. Eventually there comes a point when the positives come to surface, you realize your worth and you trust that you've learned so many valuable things about who you are and what you are capable of.
Now, going back to the fearful thing about heartbreak, even if you've become a better person, you've also become a more guarded person. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's obviously just a method of protection from further heartbreak. However, I've learned that being guarded also means possibly pushing people away who may have good intentions but have slipped up once or twice. With heartbreak comes anxiety in the next relationship. You're trying to decide if it is safe to listen to your heart, which isn't always a bad thing (but can get you in some messy situations), or if you should listen to your mind. Your heart, of course, leads you to be vulnerable and to show your interest because if you enjoy spending time with a person, why not let them know? Your mind is telling you to activate game mode; to play it cool and leave them hanging every now and then so that you can really figure out if they're worth your time. But here's the thing about games, someone has to lose in the end.
Heartbreak is scary because once it happens, you're never the same. If you use to be kind, always saw good in others and trusted easily, every aspect changes. You thought showing this person who you are on the inside, how caring of a person you actually are, was a great decision; until they took it for granted. It isn't always the first heartbreak that shatters that kind spirit, but it may be two or a few more. Slowly but surely, you hold onto half of who you use to be, and inherit some part of the person who broke your heart because you want to win, just life they did.
I'm not exactly sure how hurting another person is a consolation prize, but there are people who hold that ideology. At the same time, there are also people who have good intentions but make mistakes that send the wrong message. However, because you've gone through it once, or a few times by now, you can't forgive as easily and you get out of the situation before it's seemingly too late. You'll never know that they weren't planning to play games, that they too have experienced heartbreak but has tried to reverse the after effects, that they are also having trouble deciding if they should put a wall up or if you're a safe bet.
The scary thing about heartbreak is it leads you to believe the worst in people. Somewhere down the road, you miss out on opportunities because you can no longer trust. And you don't realize it, but you can no longer tell the difference between the good bad guy. or the good.
