I'm a hopeless romantic inside, but the outside I am considered cold and uninviting. I have a gift of knowing when someone is giving me crap. So if I look you in the eyes and I see a lie, I feel no need for further conversation unless, when I was younger, I was bored. I have given so many people my time and energy, even though I knew that there was no hope.

But there is something about a Rom-Com aka a Romantic Comedy that makes me feel like the world has hope. I can watch the cheesy love story full of cliches, and I will have butterflies in my stomach and a warmth that spreads in my chest. No matter how many times I watch them, I still believe in the happy ending.

Yet in real life, I find fault in relationships that seem too happy, too much like the movies. In the movies something drastic happens and then by the end it's a happily ever after. I think I like the movies because they cause creativity. What happens after the movie is over? The first argument I feel in a relationship is the one that makes or breaks the foundation. If you can get past the person's flaws and still want to be around them, then you have found your Rom-Com, unless of course, you are like I have been.

I will mend an argument for the sake of not fighting. I have held on to how I really feel because I wanted to force a happy ending. Honestly, I don't think I have ever been in love with anyone. I mean all my previous relationships I loved them, but to say I was in love, would be a stretch. At least not the in love as I see in romantic comedies. You know where you meet the one person who you can let your hair down and be yourself.

That is partly my fault. Until recently I wasn't sure who I was. I always wanted to be the girl that was easy to get along with. Never nagged, never complained, but because I wasn't true to myself eventually, I would overreact to something that wasn't a total catastrophe, and the relationship in my mind (and probably their's) was over. You see to be yourself with someone; you have to know who you are. I didn't know that person in me.

Don't get me wrong. I knew my goals, I knew what I wanted in life, but I didn't know what truly made me happy. So how did I do it? How did I find what makes me smile from ear to ear? Have I found it? Am I willing to share it with anyone?

Guess you gotta come back next week for part two. Finding who I am and what I love.