Losing a dog may be one of the hardest things that I’ve faced during my time in college yet. My best friend, my brother, the beagle who was there for me every day while I was home is now gone, and I cannot do a thing about it. Tucker Wallisch was truly a good boy.

Tucker was a happy and healthy eight-year-old who loved to lounge around the house. Whether I was sitting on the couch, taking a nap, or reclining in my family’s hammock, Tucker was always there by my side.

As I was about to leave the house at the end of winter break, Tucker began to shake. I pointed it out to my mom, and she said “maybe he’s scared because he knows you’re leaving.” I left as soon as I could. It felt much easier to return to school if I kept my goodbyes with the dogs short and sweet. I think Tucker knew it was his last time seeing me. He had been dangerously sick a month earlier, and perhaps he sensed something was seriously wrong. Leaving him felt harder than usual. I wish I didn’t.

I spent a week in New Hampshire preseason training for ski racing, all was well. The next week was syllabus week at school. Tuesday my parents informed me that Tucker was extremely ill and was rushed into emergency surgery. Tuesday night my mom said he survived the surgery, but she did not sound optimistic. He passed away a few hours later.

I got the call at 9:04 AM. I had a class at 9:20 AM, which I sobbed during and had to leave early.

Perhaps the biggest difference between a dog passing while you’re at home and while you’re at college is the inability to mourn with the family. Although my mom and sister called me throughout the day to check up on me, phone calls will never be the same as in person. We couldn’t support one another through sharing a hug and mourning together. My friends supported me through it all, but ultimately it was my loss to mourn alone.

There is no funeral for me to arrange an emergency ride for. I can never say my final goodbyes.

He is in a better place now, I hope to see him again when I pass.

R.I.P. Tucker Wallisch (2008-2017)