I've always been one who has had a gloriously conflicted heart, constantly assessing within myself my sense of responsibility versus my slightly 'rebellious' or 'free spirited' inclinations. And for a while the latter would most often win. But it has always resulted in stress and anxiety, and an unpleasant manifestation of over-analyzed, hesitant, and even standoffish actions and reactions.
Telling and seeing it like it is versus not giving a care about more "practical" limitations versus worrying too much about the "practical" details of situations is a constant struggle of mine, and until recently I didn't know how to resolve it or balance it.
As someone who struggles with anxiety, I will always have to live with over-analyzing and feeling slightly uneasy about most (if not all) every possible situation and interaction I have, and I'll always have to try to manage it--especially as it effects my sense of self, my actions, and my reactions. But I've found that there can be a strengthening balance between the anxiety-inducing practical versus care-free me.
Who says that 20-somethings can't have both adult responsibilities and lifestyles as well as an unquenchable thirst for living life the way we should? (Hint: actually living it).
Who says we can't go to school, go to work, make connections, excel at what we do, and still travel, drive up the coast just because, spend a day reading our favorite book, go to a concert, nap in the sun guilt-free, hike up a beautiful mountain, learn to cook and create our favorite flavor combinations, and chase and expand our limits because we have the resources to do so?
We live in the most connected time, in the most connected culture, in the most connected generation in all of history--so why aren't we able to fully connect with ourselves anymore, let alone with eachother? Why not take advantage of our connected technology and actually get to know ourselves and become fully integrated persons? Even small things like taking an evening away from studying, away from work, away from those around us, so that we can spend a little time with ourselves can not only have a huge impact on ourselves and our hearts and minds, but it can also hugely impact our quality of work ethic and relationships.
If we are able to healthily compartmentalize the time we spend in specific places and with specific activities (work, school, play, sleep, travel, exercise, me-time, etc) then we can become more productive, less stressed, less anxiety-filled, and more certain of ourselves because we've found balance.
If you have work to do, do it. If you have a paper to write, write it. If you want to travel, go. If you can't afford it, work until you can and it'll be that much sweeter. If you don't have time, wait until you can make time, don't completely write it off as impossible. If you need sleep, make time. If you need more time with the people you love, make time, no matter how short, and be fully present. There are often certain obligations and responsibilities that are number one on the priority list, and can often seem like limitations (family, school, work, money, etc), but we are young, we are connected, we are resourceful, and we can make it happen if we really want to.
It's hard, and it's a completely new lifestyle, but I'm working on finding my balance. The more I set my proper boundaries, then the more I have a hold on my anxiety; the more I have a hold on my obligations and responsibilities; the more integrated and self-assured I am; and the more I can cultivate, maintain, and appreciate my budding adulthood and my everlasting youth (obviously). It's not a fix to my anxiety--nothing can be fully--but life is sweet and now I'm learning to truly taste it.
