Responding to Rejection With Confidence

Responding To Being 'Left On Read' With Resiliance

I finally understand the whole "ghost" icon. It's a warning sign for the all-too-common ending of getting "ghosted."

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It always starts the same.

We lock eyes from across the bar, he maneuvers his way over to me, and before I can even convert my carbon dioxide to oxygen, he hits me with the "so what's your Snapchat?"

And it certainly hits. Hard. Like a tsunami of unoriginality and disappointment, further drowning my hope that maybe someone will change my views on the fate of authentic communication.

Welcome to the 21st century, where intimacy is now initiated through Casper on a yellow backdrop. However, in this case, Casper is not so friendly.

I instinctively roll my eyes, because I think, whatever happened to exchanging numbers and having those late-night phone calls that our parents use to tell us about, that now seem only imaginable in a distant galaxy far away from our technologically advanced one? Although I am convinced I was born into the wrong generation, I still go along with the "streak generation" because it's, unfortunately, all I know.

And it always ends the same.

I conform to the "streak" culture, and we snap for a few days. For some obscure reason, I become attached and start to expect his morning coffee and afternoon pizza pictures that disappear in six seconds. However, like clockwork, on the sixth or seventh day of our streak, he pulls a disappearing act on me. I get ghosted.

But what makes this time different?

My reaction.

I learned to trust the timing of my life

Essentially, the majority of people value acceptance over rejection. But in the case of learning experiences as a young adult, every loss leads to a gain, and that's just how the universe works. I now appreciate my "ghostings" because I know it leads me one step closer to discovering the person who appreciates proper communication with me and still values relationships. Everything happens for a reason, a cliché saying for a reason, because it's true. Everything's a learning experience, even something as mundane as a Snapchat left-on-read, particularly to not become overly attached to someone who attempts to initiate intimacy through an app.

"Thank u, next" helped me rewire my brain

With Ariana's help, I now bounce back fast and do not allow a silly disappearing act to dictate my mood or sense of worth. I'm no longer daunted by the self-shaming thoughts of "was it me? Was I trying too hard? Maybe because I stopped using filters on my face?" because it's not, and it's not him, either. It's all about timing. There are endless opportunities to form connections, and, thankfully, I've built up untouchable confidence that makes me respond to rejection with a shrug and a "thank u, next."

I learned to laugh it off

Initially, a man's disappearing acts use to phase me, taking a hard blow to my self-esteem. Now I laugh at their loss, and I finally understand the whole "ghost" icon. It's a warning sign for the all-too-common ending of getting "ghosted." I don't love rejection, but I do love the strong mindset I've created for myself.

So, if you left me "on read" and are reading this, don't worry. You're far out of sight, out of my "streaks," and out of mind. Don't worry about me, because I'm not searching, but waiting for a fellow, old-fashioned soul, who was also born in the wrong generation and still believes in a relationship that doesn't start on a "streak."

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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A Letter To My Future Partner, Buckle Up For A Wild Ride

I KNOW that we'll be able to face whatever life throws at us.

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Dear Future Partner,

You may know me right now, you might not, but one thing is for certain: for some reason, God wanted us to spend our lives together. I don't know why or how. All I know is that it's His plan.

That's actually the first thing you should know about me. I am a Christian. I go to church at least once a week when possible and even serve in the nursery/preschool area. It is totally fine if you don't want to come to church with me. I want you to be a Christian, but if God wants me to lead you to Him, then so be it. I also want kids (right now, at least). Adopted or biological, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I want to give a child a loving home and them never having to worry about whether or not someone cares for them. I also want pets. At least a cat and dog. Get ready for adventures.

Enough about me. Let's talk about us.

There are going to be fights and disagreements. No one said marriage was easy, but we HAVE to communicate. Like, for real. We have to be able to tell each other things, even if we're worried the other one won't like it. Also, I will need you to be patient with me as I figure out this thing called life. It's hard. It might be hard for you as well, and I will be there. I also need you to understand that I have bad days. I mean a LOT of them. I still love you, even if I can't show it.

Speaking of love, my primary love language is acts of service and my secondary is words of affirmation. Even small things such as taking out the trash, tidying things up, or just saying you believe in me when I least expect it will mean the WORLD to me. However, my least compatible love language is physical touch. Sure, kisses here and there are great and are almost like words of affirmation in my opinion, but I believe there is such a thing as OVERLY affectionate. I love you, but we don't need to be all up on each other all the time. I can't wait to know your love language so that we can be the best partners we can.

There might be a point in our marriage where we'll wonder if it's even worth it anymore. If (and I pray it doesn't) that happens, we have GOT to push through. We have to work TOGETHER. Coming from parents who made a long distance (and I mean like Hawaii and Alabama long distance) marriage work, I KNOW that we'll be able to face whatever life throws at us. We're in this together. We're a team. I want us to give 100% when possible. I know it will be hard. There might be days where it's 80/20, but I know that with your support, I will be the best partner I possibly can.

Love,

Your Future Partner

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