Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a treasured friend, travel companion, and life saving excuse to avoid awkward social interactions. They protected us from the constant humdrum bombardment of braincell murdering awful music, helped us to persevere while in that "zone" at the gym, and of course filled the maddening silence of a classroom full of students figure drawing when the professor doesn't play music over the speakers; we've all been there. Of course, I'm referring to the new wireless Apple Airpods, which I have already lost just by looking at them.
Apple is all about the modern minimalism. From iconic Macintosh of the 80s that I'm pretty sure the DMV still utilizes, to the quirky and unique iBook featured in every 90s sitcom, to the very Macbook Pro I wrote this on, Apple's nothing if not stalwart in their drive for progress. Not every Apple product has been an overwhelming success, yet the popularity of the iPhone and related products speaks for itself. Not took a gift horse in the mouth on this one either; the impact Apple made literally shaped the world to the way we see it, from refreshing the same five social media apps before falling asleep to cutting edge technology so integral the government was forced to write its own code to learn to backhack into Apple software. Literally everyone and their mother has used an iSomething at one point in this decade.
What really made Apple to the giant status was the introduction of the first iPhone in 2007, with seamless touch screen support. Bloomberg Technology tracked the growth of the iPhones, most notably how similar in design and function they all are. Of course, 2015-6 models dwarf the widely popular 4S and introduced a home button that recognized the user's fingerprint; which is cool if you want to feel important or something. With various articles reporting at an approximate 1 billion iPhones sold worldwide, and Apple selling the latest and greatest gadgets for $800, its understandable that Apple can't introduce radical redesigns very often. Being the only kid with lightning charging cable for my phone with a useless battery in a high school full of people with the 4S was more than unpleasant in my teenage day to day angst. So...do we really need to eliminate the second most useful port for the sake of pushing the Jetsons agenda?
Forbes tracks the good and the bad of the iPhone 7 far better than I can, and to be fair the second lens in the updated camera fits what I'd expect from Apple's newest reason to sell your soul to the capitalism regime. But I have two qualms with this arrogant fruit. Even on low power mode, requiring Bluetooth to be active constantly for them jams is a surefire way to lay a phone battery to an untimely rest. Apple Airpods don't come cheap, so losing one or both of the pods sounds immensely frustrating without the port for wired earpods. Not to mention having everything rely on one port, which means goodbye to charging your phone and listening to music simultaneously after you've lost the Airpods. But what's most irritating is the the sheer concietiousness of Apple bigwigs. Current iPhone models support Bluetooth so people are free to choose to buy wireless headphones. The rest of us Joe Shmoes sport expensive headphones to a tangled mess of gas station wires and everything in between.
So Rest in Peace to an unencumbering problem with an unnecessary solution. But most importantly, rest in peace to the phrase "pass the aux cord".
