As a new school year has now begun, I no longer feel my jitters of anticipation from two weeks ago. I am in the prime place where I haven't had a chance to ruin my grades or my health so I feel like I can totally conquer the world! However, my past patterns have shown to not be what I wish they would have been. I wanted to take a moment to reflect on why I am in school pursuing a degree in the first place and what I want for myself in the future.
1. Why am I here?
My instinctual response to the question is that, obviously, those of us that are in the pursuit of a higher education are attempting to acquire the qualifications for our desired future careers. So, I remind myself that many fields require a much lesser level of education - i.e. community colleges offer plenty of programs which can be more efficient and economical. I ask the question again, "Why am I really, truly here?". After deeper consideration I recognize, I am not in school to further a career, but instead to further develop my passions in a way that enables me to do the most 'good' possible. I am here because I have a thirst for knowledge. I am here because one day I aspire to be someone who spreads that knowledge in a way that can improve lives. I am here because this is the way I know how to make a difference and leave my mark on the world.
2. What are my warning signs?
When I start getting overwhelmed, what traits do I display? The positive of having a long standing relationship with mental health problems, I have begun to recognize my personal patterns and warning signs. For me, the first initial sign is when I begin breaking my routines and skipping events, but I have not been able to catch myself at this point during previous drepressive/anxiety cycles. Those who are closest to me recognize I am in trouble when I begin distancing myself. I have an excuse for every social situation and avoid places where I commonly see friends. A 'new' warning sign which I just recently recognized is I will gradually replace listening to music and find myself watching more television.If I am to have a successful fall semester (and life in general) it is crucial that I do not fall into an extreme anxious/ depressive state. It is therefore, of the utmost importance for me to prepare myself to identify the above warning signs, not if, but when they present themselves.
3. When I recognize my warning signs, what is my plan?
I believe for most who have had long ongoing battles with any sort of mental illness, recognizing warning signs becomes easier, but knowing what to do when we recognize them is significantly more difficult. I know that at this point in my life, I am generally successful at recognizing my warning signs, the hard part will be determining and carrying out a plan of action to keep myself from further progressing through my stages of anxiety/ depression. For now I think a beneficial first step will be the re-identification of the reason I am here in the first place, as this is the core of my current purpose. I need to remind myself that I am human, and I will never be perfect. I need to allow myself to let go using methods which I have already proven to be successful. Meditation, yoga and running are three activities which have proven to be successful aids in my letting go/ re-centering process. I need to remember that I do best when I stick to routines. I need to trust my true inner-self, and I need to continue fighting even when I feel I am loosing.
4. Personal reward system.
For times when I feel less motivated, I am going to need a personal reward system. Whether that is a night out with my girls or an evening off from my usual study schedule, I need to take time to celebrate my small victories. It is OK for us to be proud of our achievements and it is OK for us to give ourselves a little pat-on-the -back when we do exceptionally well at something.
5. Remember to ask for help!
This item on my list of reminders is the one which I will likely have the most trouble with. I would guess this would be the most difficult for others as well. We are trained to be efficient and reliable, but often times we confuse these traits for meaning that needing help is not permitted. This fall, I need to take inventory of the wonderful people who surround me. Whether it is my family, my sorority sisters, peers or professors, I need to get over myself and ask them for help when I need it. Recognizing that I would gladly offer assistance to these people and not look down on them for it is the best way I know how to get over my irrational fear that they would act any different. Generally, people are willing to help and work with us, all we have to do is ask.
