Today feels oddly familiar. Or maybe it's more appropriate to say that today feels disgustingly familiar. Far too often do we wake up to those gut-wrenching headlines: "Attack in [Insert Location Here]." And today is no different.
I am rather confident that I will never forget Nov. 13, 2015 – the night when a series of coordinated terrorist attacks took place in Paris and stunned the entire world. Although I was 680 miles away in Edinburgh, Scotland, the shock waves of terror could be felt. Texts began pouring in from family members who knew I was traveling that week.
"Where are you? Do you know anyone in Paris?"
And even though I was safe, I was absolutely terrified. I did know someone in Paris. In fact, my best friend from my home university was studying abroad in Paris. Despite the fact I couldn't remember which arrondissement she lived in, each time a news source released a location where there was an attack, I was certain she was nearby. In addition to the messages from concerned friends and family, my group message for my pledge class and the group message my four best friends and I created were ringing relentlessly. Fortunately, as soon as my friend had wifi she texted us to say she was safe, and in her typical rebellious fashion she had taken the metro home despite her program director's request that she avoid public transportation. Relief does not begin to explain how I felt upon hearing she had made it to her homestay and was drinking a glass of red wine to calm the nerves.
The rest of my semester abroad was in some ways defined by these attacks. My parents were skeptical about my travel plans, as was I, because all innocence had been lost. Europe was no longer my playground. I was quickly reminded that although my experience abroad had been nothing short of blissful, there were countless problems happening all over the continent.
My friends and I travelled to Madrid, Spain just one week later and when one of the members of our group finally admitted to being a little nervous, we all were quick to agree. As we made the connections from one metro to the next, or walked on the dark streets to our hostel, or sat in our nose-bleed seats at the most exciting soccer game I have ever been to, it was clear that we all were on the look out. However, what scares me the most is I don't know what we were looking for.
When you're younger you reserve fear and terror to the dark, to the places you cannot see. Monsters hide in your closet or under your bed. However, the face of a monster has changed. And what is most frightening about these monsters is that they cannot be easily identified. They don't look like the monsters from your nightmares. They look like any man or woman sitting next to you on the train or like your childhood best friend. This lack of a physical or tangible marker is what is truly terrifying about these attacks. They can be executed by any person, at any time, in any place and they can alter the lives of any person who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Furthermore, light is no longer a haven for safety. The attacks that took place in Brussels today were carried out in the morning, while people were on their way to work and school or out for a morning jog. As innocent men and women ran to catch the train they were running late for or waited at the airport for a loved one to arrive, their lives were changed forever, and in some cases were taken from them far too soon. The light of day did not protect them. Perhaps this is what makes terrorist attacks so terrifying in the first place. They corrupt the basic understandings of safety we have come to accept.
With this newfound understanding of fear, I tried to remind myself that living with constant anxiety is no way to live at all. But it could not be avoided. In Copenhagen I lived near many of the foreign embassies, just blocks from the French embassy. One of the safest and most secure cities was suddenly on heightened security. Men with machine guns stood on the street in busy tourist areas, police monitored the metro systems. The atmosphere in Copenhagen had completely changed and although parliament declared the extra security was simply for preventative measures and that there was no real threat to the city, I didn't buy it. And I still don't. Although I will fight to the death that Copenhagen is the greatest place on Earth, Denmark as a nation is not regarded as a particularly tolerant and accepting state. Islamophobia and xenophobia in general run rampant in Denmark, most perfectly demonstrated by the nation's resistance to allowing refugees to seek asylum in their state. They claim that homogeneity is key to maintaining their welfare state, and although this may be true, the refusal to accept refugees cannot be entirely separated from the racism that is rather prevalent in Denmark. My favorite city, the city I called home, was no longer completely safe and each time I rode the metro or took a flight I let out a sigh of relief upon arrival. And this continued until my plane finally touched down in Denver, Colo. nearly two months later.
The terror attacks in Paris cannot be separated from my study abroad experience. The beautiful and romantic city I had explored with my best friends in September had been ravaged. However, the Parisian and universal response to these attacks perfectly demonstrates the unity and resiliency that only trauma can bring out. Some people were critical of the Facebook and Instagram posts that people made claiming their thoughts and prayers were with the victims and their families. "How can you ignore the attacks that have happened elsewhere in the world?" they would write. However, the way I see it is any discussion is good discussion. Certainly there is a western advantage to media; the press is far more likely to cover stories that take place in western nations and this is undoubtedly a sort of subtle racism. Yet, even though these arguments were not unjustified, at least a dialogue about terrorism had begun and our perceptions of the world were changed. Even the most glamorous, extraordinary city can be completely destroyed by hatred that does not discriminate when it is carried out. Since then, more discussions about race, class, religion and, most importantly, tolerance have taken place. This dialogue is crucial to creating a world without hate and where differences are understood and accepted. The way the world came together after the Paris attacks was absolutely amazing and Paris proved to the rest of the world that it could not be defeated. The love, optimism and unity that followed the terrorist attacks in Paris were remarkable.
I expect Brussels to respond in a similar way. Belgium has been intricately intertwined in the recent discussions of terrorism, since multiple men who carried out the Paris attacks resided in Belgium. It seems as though every few weeks Brussels is in the news as a new development occurs in the November attacks. Therefore, Brussels has maintained a reputation as a dangerous and perhaps violent city and some may see the attack that occurred earlier today as inevitable. I can already foresee the pig-headed American politicians (Trump?) claiming these attacks are somehow related to the large Muslim population in Brussels. Perhaps instead of criticizing the Muslim population in this city, we should applaud Belgium for its amazing number of immigrants, which creates a diverse and unique city and should begin educating American citizens about Islam.
I can attest that violence and fear are not inherent to Brussels. Brussels was one of the most diverse and exciting cities that I visited and even though I got bed bugs at the hostel we stayed at, my time in Brussels was one of my fondest memories. My friends and I spent the days wandering the streets, laying in immaculate parks and eating the best waffles and fries I have ever had. And don't forget about the Belgian beer (PSA: go to Delirium). People played ping-pong just a block over from the main square and children wrote in chalk all over the street, a tradition I have seen replicated in articles published today about Belgian responses to the attacks. There was excitement in the air and the energy was palpable. I was amazed by the ways many cultures came together to create such a wonderful city and I certainly was not afraid.
Terror did not define my experience in Brussels, but what has become clear to me today is that it easily could have. It could define my experience anywhere, even in San Antonio, which seems rather unimportant on a universal scale. There is no reason that today had to be marked with terror. There is no reason that the tourists and students and locals that happened to be in Brussels today had to be so traumatically effected by terror. This morning's events could have just as easily happened in September when I was riding the same metro that was targeted earlier. Terror knows no boundaries. It effects everyone and it is frightening to consider its unpredictability. Today reminded me about the fleeting nature of life and rather than living in fear we need to step up and be resilient. I am sure Brussels will respond with resiliency in the coming days, just as Paris did in November.
My thoughts are with those who were effected by today's terrorist attack in Brussels. My thoughts are with those who were effected by the terrorist attack that took place in Istanbul, Turkey on Saturday. My thoughts are with those who are living in constant fear in nations that are systematically targeted by terrorist organizations. No matter who you choose to pray for in the coming days, the world could use some love. We must continue to talk about the hatred that has infiltrated our nation and the rest of the world and we must expel such hatred from our discourse. I have taken some time to reflect on the trauma that the world is facing far too often and I hope that others continue to do the same. Take a moment and count your blessings because any one of us could have been standing in that metro station or in that airport today and none of us are free from the burden of terror.
