What are you most afraid of? Failure? What other people think of you?
Last week, I had the opportunity to shadow an orthopedic surgeon. We spent 3 days in clinic, and 2 days in a combination of surgery and clinic. The first day in surgery, I saw one hip scope, one knee scope and one shoulder scope. After watching these, I felt totally fine; I was excited actually. As soon as I got home, I told my parents I was convinced I wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon.
The first surgery we saw the second day was another hip scope. This time I felt a little worried and my stomach didn’t quite feel right. I started questioning if I was capable of being a surgeon, if I could handle cutting open human bodies. Every fear, every doubt came running into my head at once. Why was I worried after this surgery but not the same one the day before? Maybe it was because the first day when we walked into the OR, the patient was already prepped. Her face was covered; the only piece of skin showing was the hip the doctor was going to cut into, marked with X’s where the incisions would be made. The second day, I saw the patient being wheeled in, wide awake, until they put her to sleep and took what seemed like forever to cover every inch of her body, almost dehumanizing her in the process. Or maybe I was just overthinking everything as I often do.
As we were scrubbing in for the next surgery, I asked the surgeon’s PA if it was hard for her to adjust to sticking a scalpel into the patients at first. She said that it was and that it’s hard to imagine having a conversation with someone you are going to cut into. But she said what kept her going was understanding she is helping these patients.
The last surgery that day was the goriest of them all. It was an open knee MPFL, where they take part of the ligament holding the hamstring and reconstruct the ligament that holds the kneecap in place and prevents dislocation. I was so intrigued and forgot all fear that I had earlier that morning. I felt like I was ready to take the scalpel in my hands and do it myself (if only I had a clue where to cut). My mindset was different this time. I kept in mind that they were going to make this patient better. They were going to heal his knee.
How much do our fears keep us from helping people in our every day lives? How much do they stand in the way of us reaching our full potential? These fears are all in our head and God doesn’t want us to have these fears. God says we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). God wouldn’t ask me to become a surgeon if He didn’t plan on giving me the tools and strength to become one.
I brought this to prayer with God a lot the following days. A couple days later, I shadowed some more surgeries at a hospital that were far more gruesome than any of the others I had seen. I saw a hysterectomy, C-section, brain surgery, and a total hip replacement. For the first time, I felt I knew exactly what God was calling me to do, and He filled me with a peace that surpasses understanding.
God doesn’t give us any task we can’t handle. When we give God our fears, He gives us peace, rest and strength in return.
May we throw off all the fear that ensnares us, so that we may become all that God has set out for us to be, bringing glory to His Kingdom.
