On June 12, 2018, I rolled over angrily checking my phone to see that it was only 6:36 a.m.

"Why does he have to be so loud every morning?"
"Please just SHUT UP!"
"If I were this loud while you were sleeping, it would be the end of the world!"

I kept repeating these thoughts while I listened to my dad iron his clothes for work that day. I never understood why he always had to be so unnecessarily loud. This had always bothered me, but that day I was bothered even more. My alarm was set for 9 a.m. so that I would have enough time to get ready for my class. How dare he be an inconvenience and wake me three hours before I needed to be?

Now I lay awake every morning waiting to hear him start his day.

I listened to my parents discuss how their day was planned to go and how my mom didn't know my dad had to work that day.

Little did I know, that would be the last time I would ever hear my dad in my house again.

I slowly fell asleep but was awoken a couple hours later by my mom holding an envelope above my face at 8:45 a.m.

"Here is a note your dad left for you. He couldn't find your lunchbox so he wanted me to give it to you. I am heading to the hospital because they called to tell me they called an ambulance for your dad."

I didn't think anything of it. He was probably having a migraine or they were going to tell him he had diabetes. Mom always told him he would get it if he didn't stop putting so much sugar in his coffee.

After mom left, I opened the note. It read:

SECRET MESSAGE...

I LOVE YOU! M.B.G.I.T.W.

Most Beautiful Girl In The World - that's what I always was to him.

It wasn't something that was strange since he occasionally wrote me notes around the house, but it had sure been awhile since he had done it. The message had really made my morning.

As I was taking a shower, I had an extremely uneasy feeling in my stomach. I really started to overthink the idea that my dad was being sent to the hospital so I texted my mom to ask her if there was any news.

"Taking him to memorial has to have surgery. Aorta tear."
"On my way to CAMC doesn't look real good."

What?? A tear in his aorta?? How could this have even happened???

I instantly got into my car determined to make it to the hospital to see that my dad was okay. After driving 30 miles over the speed limit and calling my teacher in a panic to explain I won't be in class, I made it to the wrong hospital.

They moved him to Memorial not General.

When I reached the right hospital, I called my mom to find out what floor I needed to go to. Of course, I had an attitude with her because if you know my mom, she doesn't give good directions.

"Please stop Bethany. They just asked me to come to the conference room."

My heart instantly stopped. They waited for me to reach the floor before taking my mother and I into the conference room. I already knew what this meant but I didn't want to accept it.

A very nice looking woman with dark brown, curly hair, walks into the conference room to sit next to my mom.

"Your father had a tear in his aorta. We have been doing compressions but we have not had a rhythm since he arrived. We can try to get him stable to take him to surgery, but he would only have a 10% chance of surviving because he will just bleed out. It is up to you. Would you like us to continue compressions or would you rather we stop."

My mother looked at me with a look that I have never seen before and told me that it was up to me.

Stop. Please, just stop. Do not put him through anymore trauma.

She asked if I would like to see him. Yes, please. She then asked if I would like them to clean him off before I see him. No, let me see him.

My knees instantly buckled and I felt my heart break in half the second I turned the corner. I saw my own dad laying on the hospital bed, lifeless, with IV's in his arms, and tubes in his mouth. As I came closer, I saw a tear on his face that must have been there while they were trying to save him. I will never forget that scene for the rest of my life.

I was there dad. I promise I was trying to get to you. You weren't alone. I was there.

This nightmare has been stuck on replay and I can't get it to stop.

I never understood this feeling when others tried to explain it to me. But now that I do, I wish that I didn't. I don't know why we keep replaying it. Maybe its so we never forget. Maybe its to feel closer to that person. Maybe we physically can't stop because it will always remain there in our minds. Whatever the case may be, I still feel a void in my soul.

I hope that no one has to experience this anytime soon, but in the meanwhile, listen to the stories of the people that have experienced it. Maybe you'll gain some understanding.