I am a believer in that wherever you travel to you leave a piece of yourself behind and add something to yourself in return. You capture a landscape, remember a stranger on the street, and learn something extraordinary. I am also a firm believer in that when your life feels like a volcano that is about to erupt, it is time for a change of scenery.

This past semester I will admit I lost myself. The girl I was moving into my sorority house bedroom early August is not the same girl that packed up her bags for Christmas break. Everything I thought I knew and wanted suddenly disappeared and I was left with a blank canvas and no clue how to get back on my feet. I ended things with my long-term first love, lost some friends, and started up new habits. Needless to say, I definitely went over the edge. For a while, I was unable to remember the last time I genuinely laughed or smiled. This was not the life I wanted to live and it was time for a change of scenery, which ironically landed at the same time as my missions trip to Nicaragua. Typically when I need a change of scenery I take a long drive to a nearby lake or find a trail to hike. Going to Nicaragua was certainly no trip to the lake. It was beautiful, life changing, painful, and reassuring. It was truly everything and more that I needed at the time.

It has taken me awhile to write this reflection. I have been at a loss for words on how to even begin reminiscing on this trip and the impact it had on my life. I could write a novel about this trip and honestly, I hope I do one day, but for now I will keep it short and sweet for you.

We have all heard the phrase “be thankful for what you have, because someone out there is not as lucky.” I certainly have gotten this speech a few times from my mother, but honestly, no one can ever understand those words till they have gone the distance, seen, and experienced how little people truly have. The amount of effort it takes to simply get clean water is unbelievable, especially when all we have to do it walk ten steps to our refrigerator or sink. The children in the village play with deflated soccer balls, handmade baseball bats and their imagination. These children do not stay inside and play video games or chat with friends on their laptops. Instead, they spend every day helping their family. It is incredible to see the difference in how I grew up and how these children are growing up, but they are so happy.

I learned a lot from this trip but one important lesson I want to share is simply to slow down and do not worry so much because we have zero control over what happens in our life but we do have control over how we react to certain situations. The people in the village are living in houses made of scrap metal with no shower, the children are playing in the dirt every day, and there is no guarantee of good health; yet they are happy.

One story I want to share with you is my relationship with one special girl and her family. One day while a small group of us were playing with children at one water pump, I saw her. She had crazy hair, a lazy eye, dirt all over her body, and nothing but hot pink underwear on; but she was perfect. The sweet two-year-old ran to me giggling and smiling with her arms open. I picked her up with the biggest smile on my face and that little girl may never know, but she changed my life that day. The happiness I felt as she ran into my arms was a happiness that I have not felt in a very long time. This became a daily routine where every morning I would arrive at her house and she would be standing there waiting for me with her colorful underwear on. The moment she saw me coming, she immediately opened the gate and ran to me. I eventually met her two older brothers and her young mother. I got to see how they lived. The family loved each other and they relied on one another. The strength of this young mother and her children left me in awe each and every day.

Our last day in the village is a day I will never forget. We brought Christmas to the children as well as clothes and shoes for the families and gave a blessing to the two houses we built along with the families living in the new homes. The children were playing with new brightly colored soccer balls and clean dolls. They were so happy. The look on their faces as they opened their bags from Santa filled my heart with an immense amount of happiness. After dispersing gifts to each child of the village I found my special family. I gathered all of my extra toiletries that I knew I did not need and gave them to the mother along with an unopened water bottle. Tears of joy began flooding her face and my heart has never felt the way it did in that moment. I then turned to the oldest brother, David, and gave him my work gloves. When I handed him my vibrant orange Target work gloves he smiled the biggest smile I have ever seen and gave me a hug while tears began. I did not think $20.00 gloves would ever make an impact like that but they did.

As we began to pack up and the time for goodbyes came to a reality, the mother asked if she could get a Polaroid picture of me and her children to keep. I felt very honored that she wanted to keep a picture of me when she probably does not have any of her own children. We took the picture and as I handed the mother the photo she gave me a hug and did not want to let go. I turned to the younger brothers and they each hugged me. Then came my sweet crazy haired little angel. At that moment I felt so much pain yet so much happiness at the same time, a feeling I may never understand. Picking her up into my arms and giving her one last hug felt like slow motion. My heartfelt pain as I had to let her go and give one last look into her eyes. She will never understand but that little girl put me back on my feet. I felt pure happiness for the first time in months, found myself, and was inspired to do this for the rest of my life. She changed me.

My advice to everyone is please go on a missions trip. The impact it has on your life is nothing you have ever experienced before and you will never regret your time spent serving others. I have learned so much after spending only a week there and it will forever be the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.