It's so common to pride ourselves on the ways we have changed. In a society that's concerned with growth, change and measurable outcomes, we sometimes turn those expectations inward to ourselves and demand that we grow substantially, too. So many times we exclaim what a "completely different person we've become since ____" happened, quick to dismiss the old self and promote the new. We mock our middle school selves, horrified by the awkward phases documented in Apple store photo shoots and unfortunate school portraits.
But when I look back on the kid I was, I recognize how much I stand to learn from her after all this growing and changing occurred. She is still a part of me somewhere, but I don't always feel like I am in touch with this old self, circa 2003-2007. As I approach the start of my 20's, I find myself thinking about the kid I used to be. She was more thoughtful, inquisitive and not concerned with what people thought of her.
Though it wasn't necessarily always by choice, she did spend more time with her family. She rarely gave her outfits a second thought. It was impossible for her to pause and take a Snapchat in the middle of something really interesting or beautiful or funny; she just experienced it. She sat through commercials between Disney Channel movies without lamenting how long it was taking for the show to get back.
On really nice mornings in the summer, she'd wake up at 7 in the morning to lose herself in a book. She knew the people in her neighborhood. She jumped on trampolines and dove into pools without thinking about whether it might mess up her hair.
She gave homemade Christmas presents and invented elaborate games with her sisters in the backyard. She went to bed early and got right up in the morning, excited about the day.She ate ice cream sundaes without shamefully checking the calorie count. She made dandelion crowns and was never too busy to stop and pet people's dogs. She called her friends on the phone after school just to talk, but also didn't mind doing things by herself.
My childhood self was certainly not perfect; she had a lot of learning to do and made as many mistakes as the next kid. There's plenty of stories involving all the times she didn't do the right thing. However, to me, it seems that she, and all kids did a lot of things right. There is so much presence in being a child; a willingness to be in the moment and forget self-consciousness and the future.
Like it or not, we have to grow up and shed some of that innocence in order to take on new roles. However, I still think that there's a lot of our childhood selves worth preserving. We can't go back in time, but we can make a point to get outside, be more present and not take ourselves so seriously. Those kinds of things, to me, are ageless.
