If there’s anything I’ve noticed analogous among human beings — we’re really hard on ourselves. Self-doubt is the foundation which prevents us from creating a life to its greatest magnitude. Through Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), I have personally learned how to conquer challenge negative thoughts in efforts to alter unwanted behaviors. CBT concentrates on identifying emotions and what their purpose is, how this relates to your thoughts and surroundings, and making positive changes to alleviate emotional stress. Many of us might not realize the tremendous impact that irrational thoughts can have on our daily routines. There’s an art to thinking clearly, and once it is mastered, you will find the power to attain all of your dreams and aspirations. With only a short series of simple exercises and problem-solving skills, any one of us can reverse poor habits and embrace the inner badass that we all possess. Change is always possible, no matter how long it may take. Don't give up on a dream because of the time it'll take to get there; after all, the time will pass anyways. Here are a few irrational or mistaken beliefs you might encounter and how to address fixing them via coping thoughts and actions:
We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different. Instead of stressing over uncontrollable events, which only wastes time, use the skills you have to do what you can. Since lamenting what already happened won’t accomplish anything, focus on how you can get back on track. Your thoughts don’t control your life; you do. When plans fall through, create your own fun. Just because your friends decide they aren't feeling up to going to the movies, you shouldn't have to deprive yourself of what you want to do. Be independent and do it anyway! Practice smiling at yourself in the mirror, it increases serotonin levels, which enhances overall mood and happiness. No stress.
You are not alone. Open up to others, express your emotions and you’ll realize how people can support you in efforts to overcome your obstacles. A vast amount of resources exist for those who are willing to seek help. Instead of dwelling over an undesired situation, brainstorm solutions to get better. In order to think rationally, we must first calm down our bodies. An overwhelmed body creates a sporadic nervous system, which prevents us from making wise decisions. Practice breathing exercises; expand your stomach with air, tense up every muscle in your body, then release the air through your mouth as you slowly relax. Once you can think rationally, next you can identify your self-concept, then self-worth, and acceptance, in order to problem solve effectively.
Stop thinking so much about yourself and focus more on the people around you. Really engage in the person you are talking to, ask them questions, show interest in who they are and what they’re talking about. Putting more attention on getting to know this person will take less stress off of yourself and you won’t be so stuck in your head, wondering if you look good enough or act right. Use your anxiety as motivation instead of letting it hinder you. We tend to be our own worst critics; replace negative and unrealistic thoughts about your appearance, with realistic ones. Thinking of your image in a positive light will allow oneself to radiate with confidence, and make you more approachable.
Be kind to yourself. You are worth so much more than anyone who broke your heart or that snob who wouldn’t accept you for the amazing person you are. Just because the person you deeply care for doesn’t return the love, this doesn’t mean you are forever alone. If someone doesn’t return your love, let it go and move on. Try devoting more energy and time to winning someone else’s love, you might even find someone better for you. Apart from relationships with others, focus on the relationship with yourself. There are plenty of enjoyable pursuits for you to discover without the love from another individual. Write down a list of all your positive characteristics, cut them up into strips, and put them in a box. Start every day by closing your eyes and randomly selecting one of your attributes from the box; it’s like a game. Throughout the day, zero in on embracing this specific characteristic of yours. Learn to be comfortable by yourself, with all that you are and can offer to this world. Mind that you don't find your worth in a man. You find your worth within yourself and then find a man who is worthy of you.
What would we be without our mistakes? It’s important to use our past as a guide for our future. The only time one should look back is to recognize what you did wrong, the lessons learned, and how much stronger of a person you have become today. It can be tough to let go of the idea that our past defines us. We must realize that growing pains aren’t easy for anyone, and sometimes the best way to learn is by falling down and getting back up. My ultimate goal is to achieve at my potential, but accept my limitations. Remember: just because you have some faults, you are still a good person.
We’re bound to encounter difficult people in our lives, at least once or twice, so we must learn to deal with them in order to get by. Effective communication is key — avoid using words such as “you," "always," and "never.” Put off words that directly address the person’s character, opt to edify the person instead. When attempting to solve a problem, we want to use constructive criticism to help this person grow and prevent the situation from re-occurrence. Don’t use words that cloud up the issues or by-pass the conflict. For instance, “blame shifting”, which avoids taking responsibility for one’s part of the problem, and tries to change the subject instead of dealing with and solving it. Act, don’t react. Be clear about your motives, and encourage this person to make a positive change. A good rule of thumb is to never say never, or always. Also, opt to ask questions like “why did you lie?” instead of making accusations like, “you are an awful liar”.
Irrational beliefs are in the form of absolutes; whereas, rational thinking is flexible and can be changed and analyzed. We must realize that things are never as bad as they seem, and no situation is permanent. We all experience rough patches and no one will ever be perfect, so we should try to just be happy and not take life so seriously. Our anxieties are crucial because they act as motivators, which tell us when something needs to be addressed. However, once emotions exceed the natural state and become extreme, we are unable to think rationally and problems arise. We should practice self-enhancing and not self-defeating behaviors. When encountered with difficult circumstances, we must not let our emotions immobilize us. By using problem-solving, we can overcome any obstacles and engage in appropriate behavior to attain our goals.
