Just about everyone had/had/or experiences the oh-so-memorable toxic relationship. Be it your chemistry that clashes, or someone who doesn't have any people sense, we can probably all think of someone in our lives (either that we've dated, been friends with, or just experienced from afar) that has been in a relationship with a toxic person.
This person may not even realize what they're doing, which makes it so much worse for the situation. Sometimes, a toxic person can change someone that is normally incredibly aware of someone who is blindsided by what is happening to them. In my experience, there are a few things that are sure fire signs the person you or your friend/family, or maybe even yourself is in a relationship with (platonic or more) is toxic.
1. Manipulates your feelings for the benefit of theirs
Now this can get a be a bit tricky. More often than not, we can all be a bit manipulative with others feelings. Be it giving your parent a cute pout to get what you want, or even guilting them into trying to get what you want, but this is more extreme. It isn't cute puppy faces, and attitude that will leave a parent begging you to stop, it's much worse than that.
I'm talking about the life effecting things. For example, if your friend/significant other ever threatens their life in regards to not getting what they want, your first thought is to probably give them what they want, because after all, you care and you don't know how serious they are. Another example, is when you're upset and they manage to whip it around to them, telling you that your emotion is inconvenient, and thus making them more upset than you could possibly be. Again, you'd try and perk up as well as cheer them up, you might not even realize it when it's happening. Phrases of "you're always so depressing" and "i bet I'm more upset than you" or even "that's not even a big deal-" ended with their problem, which, of course, has to be worse than yours.
Sometimes we do this without noticing, sometimes we don't realize when we're doing this or even having this happen, but think of the impact it'll make on you. If a boyfriend/girlfriend told you that they were annoyed with you being sad all the time it would probably upset you, but then you'd also try and keep more to yourself. If anyone ever acts like your emotions are inconvenient, that's about the worst you can do to someone. That sort of person is definitely someone you don't need around, and would feel better without.
2. Has adult sized tantrums over missed communication
Now, I know sometimes we all get annoyed when it takes someone 3 days to reply to a message. We'd probably all express our frustration with this, how we put in time, and they didn't, but that's not what I'm talking about in this case. What I'm talking about, is when you don't reply instantly, and they in turn threaten your relationship, or accuse you of not caring for them.
If you've ever had a friend/significant other promise not to talk to you anymore because your flowing conversation lacked for just a moment or two, you might want to consider how much more stress free your life could be without them. If someone you're talking to has ever accused you of cheating, or trash talking, or even saying you never cared about them because you took 5 minutes to reply, you might want to consider not replying again, like, ever.
That might sound dramatic, but if you put your phone down, be it to take care of yourself, or even enjoy yourself, and come back to threats and accusations, wouldn't it just be easier to cut them out? Both for yourself, and maybe for them. The constant negativity will wear at you, and I don't care who you are, you deserve more and better than that.
3. Someone who dictates what you say/wear/do
I'm not talking about a parent who protects or even just simply parents you, I'm talking about your friend or significant other telling you "oh never wear that around me" or even "don't ever say that around me" when it's something non-hurtful and non-offensive to both you and them. There is no reason for someone to dictate you into being their ideal.
If there's something you love to do, like play video games or even playing soccer, and your person tells you not too, you might want to rethink why they have so much authority over you. When a friend/relative/etc asks why you don't do/wear/say something you used to enjoy and your only reason is a friend/significant other not wanting you too, you might need to rethink who's in charge of you. As long as it's not genuinely hurtful to you or anyone else, there's no reason for you to stop doing something that you enjoy. You're your own person, and there isn't any circumstance that you should give up a piece of yourself to please someone.
4. Someone who takes you away from your job/friends/family/yourself care
Again, I don't mean little things like asking you to skip a party to come to something important to them, or asking you not to stay in to come out with them, I'm talking about the big things. I've known there to be friends/significant others who control their other in ways beyond simple loving protection. Asking them to ditch a friend because they feel threatened, or taking them away from their family because they don't feel accepted. If anyone messed with your personal relationships with others and yourself, it might be time to say goodbye.
If you ever find yourself sending a good friend or family away to talk to this person, and like I said, on multiple occasions for no reason in particular, you might want to consider who you really want to have around. If you lose contact with your best friend or family because your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend asked you too, you might want to really think about the fact that you're giving up someone you love for someone who might not love you enough.
More importantly, if you ever start to lose yourself, it's got to stop. If you're on the phone and need to bathe, and they guilt you into staying (not once or twice, all the time, making you feel like their needs are more important than yours), you might need to consider the fact that the only person you need to take care of is yourself. If they guilt you into changing large parts of yourself, you might want to consider that they can't be that great of a person to make you change in order for them to like you. Things like pressuring you to drink/do drugs underage, or pressing you into going into a career field because it's what they think is best, or even keeping you from your loved ones just so they can have you to themselves, it might be time to grab a pair of scissors.
These are just 4 of many, many things that toxic people do. Anyone who makes you feel lesser about yourself, someone who frustrates you into misdirecting your anger and ruining relationships, or even someone who changes you to fit in the specific box they want you to fix, may not be worth keeping around.
Now, I know that I've made some of the things toxic people do seem obvious, but I can also sympathize that it isn't always easy. You might not realize how much they affect you, your relationships, your entire life. Sometimes it isn't as easy as being told what to do and sending someone packing, but please, try and remember this:
You are worth so much more than being changed for someone, than changing for someone. You're worth and deserve better than someone who puts you down and manipulates you. You deserve the very best, you deserve happiness.
If this helps anyone to realize that someone in their life is truly toxic, I hope they can follow through and either confront this person, or even cut them off. While I can understand that it may be hard to cut someone toxic off, someone that you care for deeply, think about yourself, and think about the long run. Do you want to hurt for a little bit now, or potentially hurt forever? Take care of yourself, that is what truly matters.