we might fall deep into a relationship with someone we never truly knew, then have to stumble our way back out. we might have been raised in a way we believed to be normal, accepted behaviour we should have never accepted, or through fear accepted behaviour we knew wasn't right, but never knew there was another way, or there was seemingly no way out yet once you start googling someone else behaviour towards you, googling how you feel. the whole game changes, from the narcissist's manipulative games of gaslighting, projection, blame shifting, ruining special occasions, isolating you, destroying friendships, silent treatments, and many more. their manipulation games become easier to see. we can begin to take back control of our lives. when we see them and their games for what they are, we stop playing. then we take back our power and our lives.

on the road to recovery from narcissistic abuse, we must be patient, and even humble. there are no shortcuts or magic solutions. we are not facing the more or less traumatic end of any relationship, but rather an often devastating experience of emotional and psychological abuse that deserves special treatment.

it is likely that well-meaning people who are unaware of the reality of this type of aggression, after the first few weeks, will simply tell you to forget about it and move on.

don’t let anyone pressure you like that, or make you feel that you should be over the apparent failure of a relationship, whether friendship or partnership. don’t add more burden on your back.

it’s very difficult for anyone who hasn’t been linked to a narcissist or a psychopath to understand that what you’ve experienced hasn’t exactly been a normal relationship, but rather a hidden process of submission and abuse, with deep consequences for your psychological and emotional integrity.

do not spend time and energy trying to convince others about this reality. the times of recovery are yours, the period of mourning is yours, whatever you need, according to what you have lived. your pain deserves respect.

having understood the dynamics of narcissistic disorder, and having overcome the early stages of initial bewilderment, i invite you to put your focus on what really matters: your self-esteem. precisely, it is the self-esteem, the precious pearl to be cured after an abusive relationship. the victim of a narcissist has been subjected to an invasive, systematic, and most of the time covert, process of denigration. this is the very heart of the abuse, emptying the person of any sense of self-worth, destroying their self-image, making them feel inferior and disconnecting them from their inner center, affecting their self-concept.

although there are many ways to rebuild a self-esteem that has been wounded in this way, today i would like to propose the theory of small achievements.

if you are able to set yourself some small daily goals, some simple, concrete objectives that are within your reach, and that also introduce positive changes, your self-esteem will begin to breathe again.

that is the theory of small achievements, a seemingly small advance will push you to a bigger one, and then to another one... so you will be taking step after step in rebuilding and strengthening your self-esteem.

believe me, one small accomplishment in your life can make all the difference.

small personal achievements will ultimately mobilize the strength of your love for yourself. this way you will regain control and power over your life, just what the predator took away from you.

yes, because self-esteem also has to do with the control and power that each person exercises over their own existence.

i invite you to celebrate your achievements in the process, to regain the feeling of having reached a goal, even a small one. it is a rewarding experience that will fill you with satisfaction and increase your levels of self-worth.

it is liberating to feel that we have achieved things, especially after being beaten and humiliated by a narcissistic predator.

we need these experiences, they are healing, positive experiences that make us feel valuable and capable again.

many times you may feel overwhelmed, there are so many things; free yourself from the evil influence of the traumatic bond, decree and maintain no contact, establish your limits, overcome the aftermath of post-traumatic stress, overcome cognitive dissonance, get out of the state of learned helplessness, fight depression and despondency, and so on.

that is precisely why my invitation is clear: don’t get overwhelmed, rome wasn’t built in a day, go ahead with your recovery at your own pace, set your small daily goals, and start with the theory of small achievements, which are always the basis for big changes, and which will result in the improvement of your self-esteem levels.

don’t forget: you are a valuable, strong and capable person, the image of yourself that the narcissistic abuser has reflected is false, the result of a distorted vision of reality and gaslighting.

you are no longer subject to this scale of the abuser. reclaim your freedom, regain the control and power that belongs to you, that love for yourself, that truth of your own self-concept as the beautiful and dignified, talented and value-filled person that you are.

achieving a goal, however humble it may seem, can become the first step to rebuilding a strong and healthy self-esteem.

a greeting and lots of encouragement always. thank you for reading, and please, keep fighting. you can do this.