Let me begin this article with a quick reminder. I have been single for a year now and I am more bitter than ever before, not necessarily because I am single, but because the dating world sucks. I'm not even dating, per se; my version of dating includes staring at a cute boy from across the room because I am too shy to talk to him. But all in all, I am still bitter, and through all of this bitterness there is one thing I've decided: I'm just going to stick to my horse. I've written other articles about my horse, I bought her when I was in 7th grade with my own money that I earned from babysitting every Wednesday. I’ve owned her six years now and I think I can safely say that I’d take time with my horse over a boyfriend any day. It might be because my last relationship ended poorly, but even through the whole ordeal she remained a constant, a shoulder to cry on, and in honor of her undivided service, I’ve decided to lay out a few reasons why horses are better than boyfriends.
1. When they sweat, they smell good
Horses smell like sweet hay when they sweat, versus the boyfriend who smells like BO when he sweats. Furthermore, a sweaty horse is a good horse; they are warm and fun to hug. The boyfriend, on the other hand…
2. Horses are always up to go grab dinner
With horses, there is no waiting days and days for dinner dates. A horse is always up to grab some food no matter when, no matter what. You can snack on some apples together, crunch on some carrots. And the conversation never becomes awkward like they do on first dates, and they never complain over not being able to afford something fancy. Hay is fine, grain is better, but if grazing is all you can get, a horse will still go with you instead of turning up their nose.
3. They are the best adventure buddies
Horses are better to take on adventures because they literally carry you wherever you want to go. Does the boyfriend do that? I think not. Horses will carry you over fields, up mountains, across rivers and valleys. They can go for days too! They’ll carry you and your bags and go until you ask them to stop. All they require is some water and grass, and then you’re well on your way until your destination is reached. No complaining at all! Also (and this is the best thing), while out on the trail, everything else yields to horses. Bikes, pedestrians, you name it. Everything gets out of your way and the trail is yours.
4. They don't talk back
Actually, they don’t talk at all. In fact this is the reason why I prefer horses to any person. You can talk to your horse all you want and know that they are always listening, but never do they argue or lend their unwanted opinion. There are no awkward silences because it is always silent. Horses are the introvert’s dream companions. You can also use your horse to run away from any person who tries to talk to you. That’s the best part, in my opinion.
5. Dad will always approve
There is no worrying about impressing your parents with your significant other when your significant other is your horse. Dad will always approve of half-ton beast over a boy. You won’t have to brief your horse on how to act or what to say when they first meet your parents. Its inevitable that mom and dad will love your horse right away and you won’t ever have to explain your affection.
6. They will never break your heart
This is the best part about choosing a horse over a boyfriend: you never have to worry about them breaking their heart. They’ll never leave you for someone cuter, they’ll never get bored of you, they’ll never break your relationship off. They’ll love you indefinitely through all of your faults and insecurities. They’ll love you on your down days, on your up days, on they days you’d rather not exist. The horse is a constant, their opinion of you never changes (except maybe when you show up to the barn with carrots in hand). Can you say the same for your boyfriend?
