I know, this is truly a "New York Times" worthy topic. But, I'm passionate about my dislike for sneezing and you write what you're passionate about, so here we are.
Every time I sneeze I get annoyed. I mean, really really annoyed. Mad, even. Last couple times around I thought, Dude. Write an article on it. Listicle the heck out of this because there might be another weirdo like you in the world that is just as passionate about their dislike for sneezing.
Without further ado, I present to you, nine reasons why I hate sneezing.
1. If you're in freshly coated mascara, it's game over.
We have all experienced this dark moment. You've just put some mascara on. It's so fresh that your lashes are still damp and are TRYING to dry. And then it happens. Boom. You sneeze. Your mascara goes flying down your face and you look like a member of KISS. Ever heard the phrase, "I won't cry for you. My mascara's too expensive."? Yeah, well I am hereby changing "cry" to "sneeze."
2. You get snotty and gross in the aftermath.
Now you gotta grab a tissue, dab your nose area, blow, WHATEVER it takes to clean yourself up after a horrendous sneeze.
3. If you sneeze while driving, you might die.
There is truly nothing scarier than sneezing while driving. That split second turns into horror as you're forced to keep your eyes closed and depending on the force of the sneeze, may slightly lose control of the steering wheel. Fun times. All for a sneeze.
4. Cooties everywhere.
I don't mind blowing my nose for the sake of releasing germs and mucus and whatever you got goin' on up in Nasal Village but the second that sneeze comes out, it's germs flying at 80 MPH. Gross.
5. Some sneezers are so loud you run.
Ask my little doggie Luke. The moment my mom sneezes in the house, he is OUT. Her sneezes can be heard from Moscow.
6. The innumerable sound effects.
Sometimes you have no idea if the person next to you even sneezed just now because of how odd their sneeze is. With other people, like my aforementioned mom, you KNOW when they sneezed. But I mean... some people make the strangest noises and I'm like did you sneeze or did you attempt a new word in your Rosetta Stone course?
7. You get salty if you don't get blessed.
If I sneeze and no one says 'bless you,' I do get salty. I'm the biggest 'bless you!' person. I deserve one in return. See? Drama and tension all because of sneezing.
8. Some people start and just can't stop.
Literally, Angela over in the far right cubicle has been sneezing nonstop for ten minutes. Someone check if she still has a nose left.
9. All of the above.
If I haven't convinced you sneezing sucks by now, then I didn't do my job right. My point still stands no matter what: sneezing is the worst.
