Yep... You read that right. The reality of a good day, what could that mean? A good day is just... a good day, isn't it? Not quite. At least that isn't the case for me. When I get out of bed feeling good, having had a great night's rest, fly through my morning routine and smile at the birds chirping outside, I begin to feel very uneasy. I realize I feel good, and that just doesn't feel right. My mind begins to wonder, "What is about to go wrong? What will put a wrench in this otherwise seemingly great day? I don't deserve to have an entire day to just, be."
Sounds kinda silly, right? I should just be happy, and appreciate the day for what it is, good. Why would I question the validity of a pleasant day? I don't quite know why I would, or shall I say why I do this silly task. But, it rarely fails; I realize I am having a good day, and while appreciating the good weather, the sounds of birds, or just the general pleasantness of others; I begin to feel the ache in my bones, a headache will form, or I will realize how tired I truly am.
My brain doesn't like to stop and smell the roses, it likes to run against the thorns. Of course, as most people know, I can fight it. I can ignore the throbbing in my head, or get a coffee to alleviate some of the fatigue, but there are days when the good turns bad quickly and intensely because I genuinely feel that I don't deserve to just feel good for the sake of feeling good.
I still put a positive spin on life and try to put as much positive energy into the world that I can, sometimes while feeling these heavy and negative thoughts simultaneously. My hopes are that when I put out that positive energy, even when it is all I have, maybe, just maybe, someone else's good day can be just good, and nothing else.