We all reach that point in our life when it's time to call it quits. There are plenty of ways to do it correctly and professionally so that it won't ruin your future.
If you want to keep your professional career, I advise that you do not do anything on this list.
1. Irish exit
2. Have sex with your boss’s spouse/(of age) child.
3. Photocopy your privates and leave them on their desk.
4. Move everything but the desk in your boss’s office a foot to the left. That way, when they move the desk to align everything, the carpet underneath will reveal the words “I quit”, written in non-permanent marker.
5. Put a rat or a non-poisonous snake in your boss’s desk.
6. Make a video and post it publicly to YouTube.
7. Defile the restroom closest of your boss’s office. On the outside of the door put up a sign that says “This is how you make me feel…” and when they open the door they’ll find a pile of your feces.
8. Call the front desk over the period of a day or week. Leave your boss one-word messages on their voicemail. It should end up saying “Dear (insert bosses name), I’ve been waiting days/weeks/months to do this, so I’m going to make you wait to hear what I have to say...” Take a pause for as long as your little hear desires. Then say, “I quit.”
9. Bring fish for lunch and heat it up in the microwave. Next, hide it in the ceiling tiles of your boss’s office. The stench will let them know.
10. On a day that you know your boss is staying late, place a battery operated fog machine outside their door. After 10 seconds, pull the breaker to cut out the power. Act Quick! Silently, open your boss’s door. Make sure that you are illuminated with either the moon or a flashlight. In your non-dominate hand, hold a fake knife with fake blood on it. Audibly rattle your voice and slowly raise the knife while making sure to keep the tip pointed at your boss. Walk toward them one step at a time until they say “Your FIRED!” Congratulations, you now have a severance package! If, for some ungodly known reason, your boss lets you advance all the way to them. Drop the knife and scream “APRIL FOOLS”. For you sake, I hope that you do this in April.
If you, however, decide to quit by way of any of these methods, please, for the love of God, sign your name. Cowardice looks good on no one.
