Recently I got into a conversation with a friend about people—specifically, about bullies. When we think about bullies, we often jump to the stereotypical storybook, TV show, or movie bully: a young boy in elementary or middle school, asking kids for their lunch money and pushing them into lockers. While I’m sure this sort of kid still exists, I think that we have a tendency to overlook the real bullies. We’re quick to call it “catty,” “shallow,” “ignorant,” or “mean,” when what we really need to do is call it like it is. These people are bullies.

I’m not here to say I’m perfect. It’s hard to admit, but I think every single one of us is guilty of being less than pleasant at times. Talking behind people’s backs, making fun of someone for something they can’t help, and gaining up on the underdog. It happens, and it’s human nature. But where do we draw the line?

I found myself reflecting on who I am, what I believe in, and what I portray to the world. As lame as it may sound, I’ve really focused on the idea of “if I wouldn’t want them to do it to me, I shouldn’t do it to them.” I refuse to stoop down to that level. It’s as if we forget for a while that we are in fact grown adults, and no longer children or teens in a school setting.

I’ve had my share of encounters with cruel, downright nasty people. I learned that while I could let it get to me, it ultimately reflects on them. I got talking, and we decided that if a person really wants to focus their attention on me, let them. Frankly, I just do not care. It definitely takes a lot of thinking and growing to get to such a point—but when you do, it’s freeing. It becomes almost laughable when someone attempts to bully you, because without the ‘you’ aspect, they are powerless.

In my opinion, we all need to look at ourselves. Why? Because everyone is bullied, and every bully, has a bully. People claim that it’s just “who they are” but I don’t buy it. There is a difference between being a strong and independent personality and being, well, a b****. It’s just a fact.

I think some people pride themselves on this attribute, because it’s a defense mechanism. If they come off as such, maybe someone won’t be like that to them. I simply cannot see any other reason that someone would take time and energy out of their limited day to focus on someone other than themselves and people they care about. Personally, I think they should use the extra time to consider if their life is really just that boring. But hey, I’m not a psychologist.

So, why are people so mean? While there is not hard evidence that links bullying as a causation of suicide, there is clearly a correlation between bullying and suicide, as well as numerous other mental illnesses. Suicide rates among young people are alarmingly high, and according to studies done by Yale University, bullying victims are somewhere from two to nine times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims. (http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/bullying-and-suicide.html). I don’t believe that enough people have a strong grasp on this concept; most people seem to be unaware of the serious harm that bullying can cause.

If you sit down and think about it, it’ll blow your mind how many people don’t act their age. As a college student, a couple years out of “adolescence,” I’m shocked daily by how many people seem to be stuck in old, catty habits. An acquaintance of mine once said, “Why do they care?” and I wondered the same thing. I don’t understand the concept of concerning yourself with the business of others, and further, judging, talking about, or bullying others, about their business. We aren’t 15 years old anymore, and you cannot use the excuse of immaturity and ignorance.

The real world isn’t a playground. In an office setting, constant gossiping and trash talking isn’t cute, it isn’t a way to build friendships, and it isn’t what will move someone forward. If bullying pushes them up the social ladder for now, then I can’t change that. But I do know that when they enter a new, big kid world, it will leave them dangling off the edge.

At the risk of sounding like a peace activist, I have to believe that it’s easier to be kind. It also, let’s be real, makes our lives a lot more pleasant. It takes away the chance of the same cruelty coming back around, and this time landing upon you. Karma, that is.

To anyone currently in a position where they feel bullied, karma is an important thing to remember. As I grow older, and move past the things that have wronged me, I realize that I no longer care about them and I no longer hold grudges. I’m unsure when it happened, but I realize that I have moved onto a better and more successful place, and that’s the greatest revenge I can have. As I said, without you, they are powerless.

“Kill them with kindness,” your mom said. Maybe she was right. The best people love a smile, and the worst people are defeated by it. And hey, as they say “If someone feels that they have to put you down, it just means they think you’re above them.”