As I wrote, my last relationship was not the best. After that relationship ended, I refused to get my heart broken again, so I shut myself off to even the mere idea of romance. For years I pushed all of it away - the movies, the love songs, the poetry I used to love, I became somewhat of a cynic. I even criticized Hallmark Christmas movies (the horror - I know).
Somewhere along the way, I started to assume I just simply wouldn't find anyone, that there was nobody out there for me. Though I said I was fine with the idea of being alone, I had always been a hopeless romantic, and it was not truly a-okay with me.
After my mom heard one too many of my, "I think I'm okay if I just end up by myself" bits, she decided to ask me why I felt this way. Truthfully, I had no idea. Perhaps it was my past relationships and how much heartbreak I endured so quickly, but I had shut myself off from romance.
That is, until quarantine.
A few months into quarantine, I knew I needed help, but I wasn't even sure where to start. So I started with what was most important, my mental health. I started seeing a therapist virtually, and we started unpacking right away.
This did help me tremendously, even if some sessions were harder than others, and even if it was very gradual changes. It was extremely helpful to know what I was feeling, was valid, and it was relieving to know a mental health professional was able to break down my thoughts and give them back to me, so I could better understand why I was feeling the way I do.
I then decided I would start being a little more positive to myself, little by little, as this is something that was always hard for me to do. I started by simply sticking a post-it note above my desk that says "I am worth it." Inspired by this commercial of Viola Davis for L'Oréal Paris.
Though it was a small step, it was very hard for me to even write it down, and read it every day. Slowly, it didn't bother me to see it, and it still stays there even now.
I then bought and started writing in my digital planner that I absolutely adore, and in the bottom corner of each to-do list for the day, I would write a positive note to myself. Cheesy I know - but the sooner you start being more positive with your inner-self, you'll be a more positive person all around.
Slowly, the love songs started coming back to me. I even started reading my poems I wrote that I had not read in years, and I hoped one day I would feel that again.
I even wrote an article asking students how they 'shoot their shot' and even tried it myself! It didn't work out, but that was more than okay. It was just nice to know I had some hope and I was willing to put myself out there.
Soon enough, I found myself back to being hopeful and starting each day with a positive mindset. I started being more active with my dog, taking her on walks, and meeting new people along the way. We went for drives, played outside, and I was not trying to hide or run away from new people, I welcomed them.
Most recently, I even started watching Christmas romance movies, which for me is a huge deal. For years I wrote them off as being nothing but a cheesy fairytale - and though they might be, they're also a beautiful reminder that love works in mysterious ways.
My mom was pleasantly surprised, and we watched three romantic Christmas movies in one day. It was one of the best days I had in a while, and I was so happy at the end of the day, knowing I was back to being a hopeless romantic, and one day I would find love.
Though all these steps are summed up in this article and might seem like easy and simple things, know that this took months of work on my part (which is still ongoing), and I was shut off to the idea of romance for about three years.
If you've found yourself feeling a little hopeless about the idea of love, that is more than okay. Start working on yourself first, really working on yourself, and you might be surprised.
Someone might end up surprising you in your DMs with a line from an article, and they might just turn out to be truly amazing.
