Relationship Abuse Never Happens Just Once, Trust Me, I Know Firsthand
Start writing a post
Swoon

Relationship Abuse Never Happens Just Once, Trust Me, I Know Firsthand

If someone truly loves you, they will never do anything to hurt you.

3191
Relationship Abuse Never Happens Just Once, Trust Me, I Know Firsthand

Trigger Warning: Discussion of mental, emotional, and physical abuse.

October is National Awareness of Domestic Violence month. As such, I felt it was urgent to highlight the importance of being aware of abusive relationships and the early warning signs, with a story.

Of course, this relationship starts off amazing. One of them swears they've met the other, and they're set for life.

Who cares if they're young when this feels so right? Everything is perfect, and they swear they'd suffer through all the heartache again if it meant meeting their partner.

Slowly, things are disrupted. There seem to be arguments creeping in, and rumors swirl. She brushes it off, knowing this is the start of something wonderful. After all, who doesn't ignore a few red flags when starting a new relationship, right? Even though she's heard stories of his abuse, "Not me," she thinks, "He would never do that to me, I would never be a victim of abuse."

So the relationship continues, and the arguments decrease momentarily. He starts peering over her shoulder whenever she's on the phone, and even picks up her phone and reads messages for her, even when she asks him not to. Then, he gives her all his social media passwords, without asking.

Just when she thinks maybe he has nothing to hide, he demands all of hers. She complies, knowing there's nothing to hide.

Even then, there are constant accusations, even when messages are coming from life-long friends. Now, there are constant arguments every day. She can no longer hang out with any friends without him, and he yells at her for talking to anyone who isn't him. He cries "You have me, what do you need friends for? They're all fake anyway, they don't care about you like I do." This hurts her and makes her fall to him. She thinks she has nobody to lean on, and people start slowly disappearing from her life.

One day she notices, she has fewer people to talk to. A few stayed true and stayed by her nonetheless.

Then, when she's struggling with her mental health, he gets angry. Very angry. He gets annoyed even, asking "What the f*ck is wrong with you? When are you going to get over it?" This leads her to feel even worse, but she promised him she wouldn't leave, and she keeps her promises.

Eventually, things get slightly better, but all boundaries have been crossed. She's been yelled at, called names, and even embarrassed in public. He will yell and snap at her in public, though she tries to brush it off. Because every time she brings it up, he manipulates her. Scoffing and saying, "Fine I'll just never talk, I'll just shut up."

Then, the bruises start appearing. She's unsure of where they came from, when she brings them up to him, he says "oh you bruise easily, you're a klutz." She'll shrug it off until one day, she notices his hand is wrapped around her arm where the bruises lay, and she notices he's squeezing her hard. Even if it's playful, and he claims he did it accidentally, she'll yelp in pain. And again, he'll say, "Sorry, I'll just never touch you again."

She wants to talk to someone, anyone. But nobody is around, and she has too much pride to admit there's a problem.

She goes to bed crying every night, she knows she should leave, but she still loves him too much. She doesn't want people to think there's a problem, though it turns out, people already knew. And if they didn't before, they would now.

She doesn't know how it got so bad so quickly, but it did. Her location had to be on at all times, they never went out or hung out with anyone else, which meant she couldn't either. He read all her messages, had all of her log-in information, and they argued every day, while she went to bed crying every night. And then, the worst happened.

It was the middle of the day, and she had another particularly bad day, where her best friend said something not so nice. To avoid an altercation, she put herself between the two and told her friend to leave. When he watched her friend walk away and look back at her, she knew she was in danger. Those were not the same eyes she fell in love with, it was something much darker.

Her anxiety swirled, and she could not have expected what came next.

He shoved her, so hard she almost fell back. "Why the f-ck did you do that!" He roared at her, and silence fell. Her world around her stopped, and everything seemed to pass by in slow motion. People walked by, staring, but not helping. Who would want to put themselves in this situation, after she cut everyone off, and he threatened anyone that went near her?

What should've happened: I left. What happened next: I didn't. What you need to do if you feel the same: Leave, now.
I can assure you, it will not stop. You have to save yourself, nobody can do it for you.

It will take weeks, months, if not years to undo the damage they did to you. Even then, they will still try to manipulate you by alienating all your old friends and trying to paint a different picture of you. Do not be fooled, all they want is control.

If someone truly loves you, they will never do anything to hurt you.

Abuse can happen to anyone, and being a victim does not make you weak. I am fortunate enough to have been set free, I am living my best life, and I will never let my judgment be clouded again.

If you or someone you know is in danger, please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1-800-799-7233. If you are in immediate danger call 911. Below is the signal to use to ask for help silently.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

Report this Content
Student Life

20 Things I Learned By The Start of My 20s

No one expects you to have your life together by the time you're 20, because honestly, they didn't either.

2353
Allyson Foutty

We are all often faced with many life challenges throughout the time leading up to our 20s. Before this time, and throughout it, we often look back at the things we've learned and how they've influenced who we are as people today. Some of my biggest influences were some of the challenges I've faced, but they've taught me 20 important things by the start of my 20s.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Boyfriend Recipe

The ingredients to build a relationship are a little more complicated than just a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy.

3129

Relationships. Long distance or not, significant others are much more than just that. I would be lying if I said I did not love the sweet gestures that only a boyfriend can give. The flowers, funny phone calls, hand holding, breakfast dates, and tight hugs are special but my relationship and many others out there exist on much more than just these little gestures. It is a tricky concoction that consists of one part boyfriend and two parts best friend and would not work without one part or the other. While having a relationship may not be quite as easy as baking a batch of cookies, it has its own recipe (with a few variations for flavor) to follow for a good match.

Keep Reading... Show less
google images

Fashion just keeps growing and changing and old trends are made new! Now, I'm no beauty guru, just a beauty guru wannabe, but personally I have compiled some stylish wardrobe must haves! These can be cute assets to go back to school or just to catch up on some of the latest trends...

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

There's More To A Relationship Than Netflix

Summertime is only 93 days of the year, Find something to do!

6540
Tallie Ammar

Summertime is ideal for more than just hanging out and binging your favorite TV series with your friends. Although summer does bring rain and thunderstorms which is perfect for those binging days, take advantage of those nice and sunny days. There is so many opportunities to get out of the house and enjoy the season before the snow starts to come back. Here are 25 interesting dates that are doable almost anywhere for any age.

Keep Reading... Show less
Leilani Encarnacion

Philadelphia has its beauty, but some of you may have not been to some of the most beautiful hidden spots in the city. This summer is a chance for new adventures and exploring, so here are a few places that I highly recommend you should visit at least once.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments