I wasn't even 2 years old when my parents got divorced. I spent a majority life under the care of my mother and my older sister and I would see my dad on the weekends or special occasions. I also have had an on/off rocky relationship with my father as well, which made things a little difficult in my life. Without having too much of a male role model and with having media's distorted male image, I had to learn what it meant to be a "man" through my mother and sister. Here are some things I learned about being a man through a woman's perspective:
1. To be "strong" doesn't mean to be physically strong
Like most boys, I grew up playing sports. Baseball, track and wrestling were a few examples of the many sports I did. I did sports not only because they were fun, but because a lot of my friends did them as well, so I felt that I had to do them, too. When somebody was better than me, I kept trying to beat that person and become stronger than the other guy. Eventually, that competition ended as I began to realize that I could never be a big and strong as the football player I ran alongside with in track. I felt ashamed at my physical strength, and I thought I was weak.
After seeing the resilience of my mother and sister, I learned what true strength was. Strength was working almost 150 hours a week to provide for your children. Strength was making it through college in three years with honors and a B.S. in clinical psychology, all while working a part-time job and internships. My mother and sister taught me that emotional and intellectual strength were much stronger than physical strength.
2. It's OK to show emotion
One stereotype of men is that we're supposed to be stoic because showing emotion was a "sign of weakness." What I learned about strength previously applied to this lesson. Keeping my emotions bottled up inside limited me from expressing myself and getting down to the matter of whatever was going on in the situation at hand. It's OK to cry, my mother told my sister and me; it's what makes you stronger at the end. Showing your emotions at appropriate times means that you know when to let people know how you feel and become more effective in communicating.
3. Dress for success
Although both my mother and my sister could be tomboys sometimes, they had great senses of fashion. They taught me how I should look for almost every situation from interviews to dates. I couldn't forget that my mother was right about having a jacket every time it was cold outside, and later coming home shivering and without a jacket, and she standing there in the kitchen laughing and shaking her head as she made me an after-school snack.
4. How to be a gentleman
When I was younger, the running gag in my family was my status as a G.I.T.: gentleman-in-training. By the age of 6, I was holding doors open for almost everybody walking into buildings, pulled out seats for tons of people (especially the ladies), and knew when to say "yes ma'am/sir" and "thank you, ma'am/sir."
5. Stand up for your beliefs
Having a diverse group of friends and family members, I learned from both my mother and sister how to be assertive and stand up for my values and beliefs without talking down to others. Both of them are very outspoken women and they taught how to control my mouth better than any man I can think of.
My father did teach me some lessons on how to be a man, but I owe a majority of the lessons to my mother and sister. I thank God every day for those two women in my life. There are many other lessons that they taught me that are not listed here, but you men who are reading this can get it from the women in your lives!
