In my dating experience, I struggle with finding a person that complements my expectations in a relationship. We all have either met or dated the infamous types: the needy one, the emotionally unattached, or the one with too much emotional baggage. I, like many people, am not a quitter. I will persevere alongside anyone I deem worth the effort. But time and time again, I am ultimately let down due to the miscommunication of expectations and preferences. Everyone has a different idea of what works for him or her.
Some people enjoy the chase, the ever-exciting allure of what’s next. Envision a horse-drawn carriage with the delicious, crisp carrot. The horse knows it’s there, and continues to move forward and pull the carriage purely by the entrancing desire of that scrumptious orange vegetable. I will refer to this chase-the-carrot notion as the pull. In contrast, some people want to feel coddled and wrapped in affection. They want to get a firm grasp on that feeling of admiration (or carrot). Typically, this is the more sensitive or emotional aspect of a relationship. I will refer to this as the push.
I hear widespread feedback on this concept ranging from pure horror and annoyance, to the S.O.L. relationship downfall. Once two people sync up with the hopes of a budding relationship, if their preferences cannot be accommodated or respected, the outcome is almost always horrendous. A few of my friends and I put our heads together and came up with a relatable metaphor to dating and mastering the ideal ratio between push and pull.
The Retail Experience Metaphor:
Think of the entire dating concept as an excursion to the mall. The store is our very own Purdue, your vast potential social circle. When you walk into the store, the first thing you see is the product, or the theorized candidates. Whether they be shirts, shoes, or pants: the tall, the thin, or the sexy, it all seems overwhelming at first glance. Typically, you can find a shirt that you like right when you see it, you’ve tried it on and it fits great! Terrific, you have a winner. But do you really want to just settle for the first thing you see? You have a fixed amount of money available to buy one item, or in other words, only enough to make a commitment to one person. There are a wide variety of shirts in the store, additionally 30,000 undergraduates at Purdue.
Do you really want to use your limited amount of cash to buy that shirt, or settle down with someone right off the bat? You probably want to look around to see what works, exposing yourself to the extent your setting, store or prospective social circle, has to offer you. Concentrate on your expectations for how you want the product to fit you. You don’t want to look in the mirror and force yourself to squint, cock your head, and implore yourself that those XXS booty-hugging hot pants could look good … potentially … in the dark.
Similar to testing out an assortment of clothes in the mirror, you test out new people in terms of your preferences. For this, mastering the ratio between style and utility is key. You don’t want to commit to something or someone that you’re intrigued by instantly, only to have it lose its luster over time.
My Personal Understanding:
One day I went shopping with the preconceived idea that I really needed a pair of crisp, white tube socks. I got there to find the exact pair of socks I wanted right away. But since I was already at the store, I decided that I might as well hold on to the socks to see if I actually really wanted them, or if there was potentially something else for me. Before I knew it, I was leaving the store with a new pair of Nike Frees, forgetting the socks. Even though I had seen and had a hold of what I wanted, I had put it down. Utterly consumed by the shiny new shoes, I diverged from my initial plan.
There are many positives and negatives to the search of finding true compatibility. Without investigating the atmosphere, whether it be a store or your social scene, it’s difficult to find clarity and understanding in your likes and dislikes. The trendy new item you may have found when shopping could be pretty sweet for a couple days. But it ultimately won’t last you forever to serve its purpose months from now. Unlike the trusty white tube socks, you don’t necessarily know what you’re going to get from the fleeting alternative. For instance, my Nike’s were a beautiful cream orange color and were perfect for working out at the gym. But I can’t take them on long runs because of their poor support. The color quickly faded into a horrid gray/brown from running through the mud and muck left behind by Indiana's finicky weather.
In the same manner as the socks, the right person applies the perfect amount of push for you to know it’s worth it, but enough pull to keep you interested and on your toes. The new Nikes could offer all the excitement as your new bae, but will ultimately fall flat after the thrill wears off and reality sets in.
The Takeaways:
- 1. Be outgoing, put yourself out there, maintaining an open mind. Meet as many people possible to better understand yourself and your expectations.
- 2. What seems great initially can ultimately become a large disappointment. Get to know someone before making any type of commitment.
- 3. Nothing compares to those trusty white socks. You ultimately know what you need from another person in a relationship. Don’t settle for less just because they seem enticing and new.
- 4.Trust your gut. Know yourself. Buy the socks.
