Imagine being at the top of a roller coaster waiting for the drop, but just being stuck hanging there. Or do you remember as a child that you would balance a chair on its back legs and feeling like you're going to fall? Both of those describe what living with anxiety feels like. It feels like you never know what is going to happen and, because of that, you are always on edge. Your mind wonders constantly about every single possible scenario for any situation. It's a scary feeling, but a lot of people live with it every day, including me.
Living with anxiety is a challenge. Every situation turns into a fiasco because the brain begins to overthink everything. Everything includes a million what-ifs such as: "What if everything messes up because of me?," "What if they get mad at me?," "What if I do something wrong?" It's tough because of the overthinking. The overthinking can lead to a number of events like the person just shutting down emotionally, having an anxiety attack, or just abandoning the entire situation. Nerves get so high that every event or situation becomes intense and may seem out of hand.
When I say every situation, I mean EVERY situation. Whether it is just making a phone call or preparing for a huge exam, the tensions can run high. Even when just ordering food, my anxiety can go up. I wonder, "Should I order this?," "What if I don't like it?," "Will people judge me if I order this?," and lastly, "What if I'm pronouncing this wrong?" Anxiety turns the simplest of situations into a high stakes situation.
My high school experience was full of anxiety looking back on it. At the time, I had no idea what it was but I realize what it is now. I had test anxiety; I'd get nervous before taking any sort of test. I'd get nervous when I would get called on by a teacher or when the teacher would say, "I'm going to start calling on people if someone doesn't give me an answer." I hated raising my hand because the idea of getting an answer wrong or asking a "dumb" question struck fear in me, a fear that I was being judged by my peers. A fear that I still have today.
Living with anxiety is one of the hardest challenges in today's society. It's pretty common among my generation and the generation coming up. I think that is partly due to the judgmental nature of today's society. We're worried about how we're seen outside of a screen, behind the likes and comments. We're afraid of being judged by who we really are. I think that is why depression and anxiety are spreading like wildfire. It's why the world is often better perceived behind a screen, hidden behind the anxiety and fear that is built up inside a person.
