These days, everyone has an opinion on everything, whether they understand (insert topic here) or not. One of those topics people have opinions on is sports, and, more specifically, athletes. These athletes get the big paychecks for playing games, while you and I get to slave away for eight hours a day behind desks, and that's not fair, is it? All of these college washouts have it easy and are a waste of money.
1. A sport is not a career
Retired before forty? Are you kidding me? people with normal incomes are lucky to retire at 65, and even that takes planning, forethought, and dedication. Cubicles make careers, not jerseys.
2. A sport "career" is an excuse
Your "career" is all because you couldn't actually make it in a normal school/work setting. You decided to make sports a living because you weren't dedicated enough to actually try.
3. Everyone else has to work hard
Everyone else is working hard for their pay, five days a week if not six or seven. You spend your time playing games. How is it that we deserve less than you guys?
4. You'll just use it to buy meaningless things
All of that money gets spent on dumb things. Sure you pay bills, but you also get things like insurance and places for your family to live, and education for your kids. Who even uses insurance anyways?
5. Who needs all that money
Normal people don't need all that money, and we get by with our measly paychecks buying things that matter. We make sure we get just the necessities, like smartphones, liability insurance, internet, and frozen pizzas. If we can survive with what we make, why do you need to make all that you do?
6. Injuries aren't that bad
When you get injured, sure you won't make any money while you can't play. Sure, you might not actually get the money you were promised in your contract because of the curved payment system you might have had with your team. Sure, you might miss that important tournament you needed to be in to keep your sponsorship.
Who cares? You get to play a sport for a living, so sit down.
7. Injuries are your own fault
You probably weren't paying attention, or just weren't good enough to avoid the injury in the first place, which basically makes it your fault.
8. You're getting too much attention
Why does anyone watch these people? They're literally playing a game in front of a camera and making money for it. Stop feeding their addiction! Go play the game yourself if you really have to, there's nothing gained by watching others do it, and supporting people playing it doesn't make them better players.
9. Who cares, it's just a game
Seriously, like there's no point to watching a game. All it does is distract you from what you really should be doing, like slaving away for your evil leader (your boss,) or better yet, your evil overlord (your boss from corporate.) Even better, you could be doing what the all-knowing evil overlord mastermind (significant other) told you to do, and take out the trash.
10. It's not even that hard
C'mon guys, it's not even that hard to throw a baseball, a football, or a soccer ball (although you don't throw those) and it's not like memorizing plays should take very long. Practice is only really for people who aren't very good anyway, and if you're having to practice seven days a week you should probably just go find something you're actually good at.
Disclaimer: If you've kept with me this far, I would hope you know that this is obviously satire, but just in case you needed confirmation, here it is.
Also, another disclaimer: No animals, sports fans, or athletes were harmed in the making of this article.
