Earlier this week, I interviewed for a new position that would open the door to a lot of great opportunities for me in my career as a writer. I was elated when I learned that the organization had taken an interest in me and wanted an interview the following Tuesday; This feeling of elation lasted about four hours. After the initial excitement and newness wore off, crippling anxiety set in. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, and it only increases in situations where I need to rely on my social skills to secure an important position... which is pretty counter productive considering my anxiety makes me want to curl up in a ball and never speak to anyone again; however, my experience with this important interview made me realize a couple of things about my anxiety, and I'd like to share it with those who also have an above the norm amount of nerves surrounding job interviews.

I had four days before my interview, all of which were spent with a spinning ball of anxiety deep in my gut. Part of it was excitement, part of it the normal amount of nervousness that accompanies these types of things, but another part was the sinking feeling that I shouldn't even try. What if I don't get the position? What if I'm not cut out for that kind of work? What if they don't like me or my blue hair? It's going to be so much work. Maybe I shouldn't even go. Luckily, the support of my family, friends, and boyfriend made it impossible for me to turn down this excellent opportunity, but it didn't stop me from agonizing over it until I was right outside the door of the building.

The morning of the interview I woke up feeling like I was going to expel my dinner from the night before. I was terrified of driving to the building because it was in an area I had never been to before. Instead of being confident in my ability to drive and find my way around, I began to obsess over scenarios like getting into a car accident on the way to the interview. What if someone rear-ends me? I have no control over that. What if I get so lost that I end up missing the whole interview? What if my car breaks down and causes a four car pile-up on the highway? You just never know what could happen.

"Could we maybe reschedule our interview today?"

But none of those things happened, and part of me knew everything was going to be fine. I realized that these scenarios were just another tool my anxiety was using to rationalize the voice in my head telling me that it wasn't even worth it. If someone rear-ended me, I'd have a legitimate reason not to go, instead of just fear. This realization didn't stop me, however, from using Google Street view to get a good look at the building before I got in my car. My only reservation was the fact that I couldn't find out what the inside of the building looked like. Where do I go when I get there? Is it cool to ask my potential employer where the bathrooms are before I even go through the front door? No, probably not.

I made it to the site without any incidents. In fact, it was extremely easy to find. Sitting in the parking lot, I wondered where I was supposed to enter the building. I was parked on the side of it, which I realized after another quick Google search. I could have figured this out by simply getting out of my car, but the fear of being lost or embarrassed by not knowing which way to walk kept me from opening my car door. (This also says something about my, probably, dangerous reliance on technology, but that's another article.)

I entered the building and met a secretary who advised me to go to the second floor for my interview. There, I met another secretary who directed me to a conference room where I sat in a black computer chair. I spun around in my seat and began searching frantically through my purse for a pen. I didn't bring a pen. I am so stupid. I'm going to have to ask him for a pen. I'm the worst. I had spent so much time Googling the address of the place and worrying over how I was going to get there that I had looked over the fact that I might need a pen.

The interview lasted about ten minutes, and I was hired. I didn't need a pen. He didn't say anything about my blue hair, and he seemed to think I would be a good fit there. I left feeling silly about all of the anxiety I had experienced before the interview.

Now, my anxiety doesn't like to leave me alone for too long, so it returned a few hours later to remind me that I would be starting work on Monday, and so many things could go wrong on my first day. And I'm going to be so busy; What will happen to my social life? And the list goes on... I can recognize these thoughts and feelings as anxiety-driven. I know that I am strong enough to push them aside and not let them get in the way of being successful in all that I do.

If you are struggling with anxiety or another mental illness while trying to build your professional career, I hope my experience can help you to laugh a little at your anxiety, recognize it for its nefarious tendencies, and push it aside so that you can be the best version of yourself. Good luck!