I want to first clarify that I’m not some sort of incredibly spiritual monk. I don’t meditate for hours on end nor do I intend on living in the mountains isolated from the world. I find value in spirituality but more than that, I believe in balance between the incorporeal and material world we live in. I became heavily interested in different religions a few summers ago and picked up on a few reoccurring themes-
**NOTE** I use the words “good” and “bad” fairly often in this post. It’s important to note that what is good in my eyes may be horrendous for you and vice versa. The two are subjective terms; be weary of how you perceive the two.
1. Nothing is good or bad until you perceive it to be
As humans, we want to put everything into a box, limiting its significance and perhaps disparaging or augmenting its face value. I find myself incessantly making objective statements only to have someone demand, “Is that a good or a bad thing?” Neither. If it’s raining outside, is that really “bad” per se? No, probably not. I may have to wear a rain jacket and different shoes but the plants are being watered and my car is getting washed for free! We’re quick to label the most nugatory circumstances; try making observations from an objective perspective rather than personalizing the circumstances to work either for or against you. Simplify the situation by remembering that something not being in our favor isn't necessarily the be-all and end-all situation. Sometimes, it just is.
2. Everything is temporary
Here’s the deal with relationships and all good things- we falsely believe that they will last. As disheartening as that may sound, it isn’t meant to be perceived in a negative light (read point above). That sort of knowledge can either help us further indulge in good times/remain sane during bad times OR put us in a constant state of anxiety to believe nothing lasts forever. This framing works best because it teaches me to truly be present and more appreciative when things are in my favor yet also remain pragmatic when everything seems to be falling apart; the good may not last forever, but nor can the bad!
3. Let go of what you cannot control
This includes everything from the weather, to traffic jams, to gossip, to the hot water in your shower running out. It’s easy to throw your hands up in frustration and let a situation hold power over us, (I’m definitely guilty of road rage), but it does us far more good to take a step back and reflect. Is the outcome actually in your hands? Can I avoid being unhappy right now? If the answer is yes, then that’s all there is to it, (this goes back to my first point again). If you’re stuck in traffic, realistically, you can’t just teleport to your destination- so why waste your energy feeling indignation? My philosophy is either do something about it or move on. Recognize that there is far more that we cannot control vs. what we can.
All three of these points have an overarching point- attachment. A core belief in Buddhism is that attachment is the root of all suffering. As stated earlier, I believe in balance; I won’t lie to you and say that I’m not attached to my parents or my best friend. I do, however, understand that hey, shit happens. It isn’t your job to endlessly dwell on a failing relationship or a job offer that didn’t pull through, but to accept the situation at face value and ask yourself, “How can I move forward from here?”
