If you are reading this, you either ARE a people pleaser, or you know one. Either way, it is important to understand what is going on in the crazy heads of people pleasers who let high expectations, resentment, and saying yes when they really mean no run the show. As a people pleaser myself, I can say that we are set on being perfect, nice, and well liked. Being a people pleaser can be great because you spend a lot of time focusing on those around you and making the world a better place, however, it can also be dangerous if at an unhealthy point because you come to neglect yourself and your own needs. So for all of you pleasers out there, here are 16 things that you will immediately identify with. And for you non-people pleasers, here is a look into the mind and outlook of the people pleasers who get on your last nerve you so dearly love.
1. We avoid asking for help…even if our net loss is significantly greater in the end…we would rather struggle kicking and screaming than admit ignorance.
2. We are rather indecisive. SCRATCH THAT. We are ABSOLUTELY indecisive. Please just choose the restaurant…we are happy if you are happy.
3. We say YES when we actually mean NO. We won’t turn you down, even if it ruins our weekend or means we can’t study for our final. We aim to please.
4. We sometimes ignore the ones we love in order to focus on pleasing our friends and others around us; thus taking advantage of unconditional love.
5. We often avoid sharing our thoughts, opinions, and feelings.
6. Self Critical. It goes without explanation.
7. We wonder why people always take advantage of us? hmmm, it probably has nothing to do with the fact that we never say no and have optimistically offered to make your study guide, deliver your lab, clean your room, and breakup with your boyfriend for you make your problems our own? right?
8. We aren’t very good at accepting compliments, and respond with the ever so awkward “Noo Sally YOU are the pretty one and your shoes are on fleek”.
9. We have a deeply rooted fear in being less than perfect or disappointing those around us. We want everyone to be happy with us all of the time.
10. We have a hard time with peer pressure….we just do. It might be one of our biggest fears.
11. We are the majority of the teachers pets…but we aren’t suck ups, we just really like to make others happy, and if that means raising our hand in class or bringing in flowers on the first day then so be it.
12. We need you to constantly tell us everything is ok or we will assume you hate us and have probably defriended us on all social media. Really people, punctuation is everything. No exclamation point=they hate me.
13. Some people might find us pushy...we get so invested in your problems that we start trying to fix them thus pushing you to deal with your own problems effectively. I know its invasive but we have such good intentions.
14. Did I mention we are terrible at setting boundaries for ourselves? I guess that is a given.
15. All in all, we care too much.
16. And sometimes we realize that we have become an emotional disaster. BUT, with a little balance and TLC for ourselves, we can overcome and let the best come out of our tendencies.
So POWER TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE-pleasers…take a moment to breath, focus inward, and TREAT YO’self. You deserve it.
