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Health and Wellness

The Problem with Being a Yes Girl

I will literally sacrifice my happiness for yours.

Kandace Moss
Sep 12, 2016
University of Louisiana at Monroe
162
The Problem with Being a Yes Girl
Anne Taintor

According to Psych Central, a 'people pleaser' is defined as a person that will do anything and everything to keep the people around them happy. Ever since I was a little girl, people pleasing has been one of the defining characteristics of my personality. I always wanted to be the girl that everyone adores. I am that person that will volunteer herself to do something even though she already committed to five other responsibilities.I am the person who will hide her emotions and feelings in order to make someone else feel better. I am the person that will do anything and everything to make a person like me. When everyone says No, I am the first person to say Yes.

On paper, being a people pleaser seems like a great attribute to have. You will be the person that will get an amazing promotion because you are the person who will volunteer for everything in the office. You're agreeable, so most people will not have issues with you. But, on the flip-side, being a 'Yes Girl' can become problematic.

Personally, I have gotten myself into some crazy situations because I hate saying no to people. I have had toxic friendships and crazy weekly schedules. I even put myself in an awkward situation with a guy I really cared about because I did not want to hurt his feelings by saying "no" right away. Sure, I love putting a smile on other people's faces, but in doing that, I sometimes find myself stressed, depressed, and nervously wrecked. According to Psychologist Harrier Braiker, "to please is a disease." In other words, pleasing people is good in moderation. But, in excess, it can become an addiction that eventually results in the neglection of one's own needs and ironically can lead to losing the respect of the very same people that you were trying to please.

My biggest fear in life is being the girl that everyone hates and cannot get along with, so I always aim to please. But, I now realize that I am actually hurting myself just to make others happy. Like the psychologist said, people-pleasing is an addiction; I know I cannot quit cold turkey---and I am not sure if I want to just yet. But, I will work on saying "no" sometimes and hope that I can still make others happy without sacrificing my own happiness.


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