Everyone experiences negative thoughts and negative self-talk at times, no matter how happy you usually are; it’s completely natural. The problem arises when these negative thoughts begin to consume all of your thoughts, suffocating even the positive ones. It’s important to have the tools to fight this negative self-talk because even if the majority of your thoughts are positive, it’s better to be proactive than to give the bad thoughts an opportunity to take control of your mind. I want to tell you about my personal experience learning how to twist my negative thoughts into positive ones, or how to stop them altogether.
For the past five years, I’ve seen a therapist and the main goal of these therapy sessions is to teach me how to cope with my bad thoughts and negative self-image so I am able to live my life in a positive way. One coping mechanism that has remained consistent throughout multiple therapists is this concept of altering my thoughts. I will admit that I didn’t buy into this idea of “positive self-talk” at first, but once I truly gave it a chance, I realized how helpful it can be.
You don’t need to have depression or anxiety in order for this technique to be useful. Part of this technique that I’ve found extremely helpful is imagining the worst case scenario and using it to rationalize your thoughts. Let’s say that you have a job interview and you’re incredibly nervous. One way to calm your nerves is to ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” No matter what job the interview is for, the answer to this question will always be, “I don’t get the job.” Ultimately, the worst case scenario won’t be the end of the world because you will have other job interviews. You can even twist this into a positive scenario: even if you don’t get the job, the interview was good practice for future interviews and now you have a better idea of what you can improve upon for next time.
Apart from using rationality as a way to think positively, it’s also important to continuously acknowledge how great of a person you are. We all struggle with a negative self-image at times and during these times, we might be thinking that we’re ugly, unintelligent, a friendless loser, or many other things. First of all, none of that is true, but if you truly believe those things about yourself, you need to find your positive qualities and focus on those. We all have value and worth, and we have to build ourselves up rather than tear ourselves down. I really struggle with my body image, so if I’m thinking about how disgusting and fat I feel, I might not be able to change that feeling, but I can focus on my great qualities. Physically, I really love my hair and my tattoos. Internally, I pride myself on my grades, as well as how kind and caring I am. There’s no point in letting my negative thoughts about my body ruin my mood for the rest of the day, so I need to acknowledge the parts of myself that I love.
The final tip that I’ll offer in regards to positive thinking is to lie to yourself. Yes, you read that correctly. Lie to yourself until you believe it. Tell yourself that you’re beautiful and smart and talented and worthy until you internalize it to the point of genuinely believing it. As Marcus Aurelius said, “The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts.” Your thoughts truly do become who you are, so you can let yourself wither under the weight of negative thoughts or you can thrive by purposefully thinking positive thoughts. Remember that you are strong and powerful, and you don’t have to let your thoughts control your life.
