Have you downloaded Pokémon Go? Do it!
It’s a bird, it’s a plane! No, it’s a Pidgeotto. It’s the latest craze sweeping the nation, it's Pokémon Go. The smartphone game brings Pokémon to the real world by using GPS and your smartphone's camera, allowing the user to capture, train and battle his or her Pokémon - all in the real world location surrounding the player. Pokémon Go has broken the record for the most popular mobile game in the US, with a reported 21 million users (as of July 12th).
Buckle-up baby, this game will take you down memory lane.
Turn your hat backwards (or grab one of you're not wearing one already), throw on some fingerless gloves, don't you dare forget your trusty Poké ball.
Pokémon Go came out on July 7th 2016. The game has gone on a rampage across the globe. So far it has captivated the hearts and minds of people everywhere. That means that by the time you read this it's too late...(Shout out to Drake), seriously though, this game has pretty much taken over every public and private space in the free world.
The children who played Pokémon in their childhood have been preparing for Pokémon Go their entire lives. They have lived Pokémon, dreamed Pokémon. Now Charmander, Squirtle, Pikachu, Wobbuffet and millions of other Pokémon live in our smartphones. Millions of Poké-fantasies are now a reality.
Envision this: You step out onto to war torn Battlefield aka your elementary school playground. You see see factions of Pokémon players and Yu-Gu-Oh players clashing in a battle more epic than all three of the Lord of Rings Wars combined. You reach into your pocket and thankfully you were at Wal-Mart yesterday. Your mom bought you a brand spanking new hot off the press deck of Pokémon cards. You report to your general, (usually the kid with one of those giant fat binders loaded with more cards than he can even count) he gives you a few cards to add to your virgin deck, from there you begin trading cards, battling others, and bellowing at the top of your lungs that Yu-Gi-Oh will never measure up to the pure awesomeness of Pokémon.
We children waged war in plain sight of adults, and did it in such a domesticated fashion that it was never discovered. In all actuality this war was one of the most violent and bloody cross dimensional conflicts of time immortal. THIS AIN'T IN THE HISTORY BOOKS FOR A REASON FOLKS.
Some may blatantly ask; War is a gentlemen's sport right? Oh no no, ladies and gents, war was perfected by children in one of the most elaborate cover ups in history, and damn it's back at it again (not as Daniel and his white Vans) but in the game Pokémon Go.
Us millennials engineered space age contraptions that range from the massive carbon fiber reinforced binders that have pages upon pages of plastic card slot holders for every single Pokémon card EVER, to massive hyper advanced storage facilities that rival the Library of Congress and the National archives combined. We took our brightest minds and put them to the test, we innovated in secret, our laboratories were our playgrounds, lunchrooms, classrooms, bedrooms, and basements of American schools and households.
PSA: Pokémon Go has been out for under two weeks, and it already has more active users than Twitter and Tinder combined.
Take a walk outside your house, chances are you'll find not only a rare Pokémon frolicking around, but maybe even some confused person who's mistaken your house for a Poké Stop. Hopefully you'll strike up a conversation, find your soulmate, meet your new best friend or just tell the sucker to kindly take their Pokémon hunting crusade to the nearest cliff.
People, we're on the cusp of something great...
Just yesterday evening I took a walk outside, obviously on the hunt for Pokemon, and while I was strolling the grounds of my massive estate I came upon some very lost Pokemon Go players.
These players we clearly inebriated, but by the fierceness in their eyes I knew they had a purpose. These players were convinced that they were actually Pokemon. Straight up, one bro thought he was a real life Pikachu. The other two were valiantly proclaiming they were a new breed of Pokemon.
These fine gentlemen insisted they had been captured by a dreaded Poke ball, but had somehow miraculously escaped and were free once again to walk upon the Earth.
It has been prophesied that the mighty Ash would appear from the Heavens and cast the first Pokéball, but that is yet to be seen. Nerds and just casual gamers unite, this game isn't a fad, it's here to stay.
Go out and catch those Pokémon,
While Pokémon Go has provided some new entertainment for the world (my personal favorite is a video of a drunk man who can’t catch pokemon at night (if you haven't seen it, look that up- it’s hilarious)), it is also shattering the stereotype of a mobile game. Think about it, what was the biggest mobile game pre-pokemon? Yu-Gi-Oh? Candy crush? A game where the user stares intently at his or her screen trying to match up candy for countless hours. Pokemon Go is different. The game is getting its users out and moving, something no smartphone game has done before. In part that the player has to physically go to a "Poké stop" or "gym" while using the game, the users are making friends along the way (it's not just seeing a user name anymore, this is face-to-face communication people, (what is this madness?!)). So get out there and catch yourself some Pokémon, (it's your destiny).
I wanna be the very best
Like no one ever was
To catch them is my real test
To train them is my cause...
On the low, keep the people of Nice, France in your prayers. God bless.