Anytime we talk about labelling “types” of people, we enter dangerous territory. However, it is also important to acknowledge that some people are deserving of labels, such as the oft-used label “toxic”.

What exactly is (and isn’t) a toxic person, and how exactly are truly toxic people harmful? How do we weed through the stereotypes surrounding certain types of people, to determine who is truly a toxic influence? Healthy-living magazines, the internet, and pop culture promote misconceptions of toxicity– but I would like to address three types of truly toxic people.

Let’s first talk about what a toxic person is not. A toxic person is not someone with depression. People struggling with mental illnesses that cause them to think negatively are not inherently toxic to others— although unfortunately, they may be their own worst bully. Too often, mentally ill people are stereotyped as toxic simply due to a neurological difference— this is cruel, discriminatory, and simply untrue.

In fact, healthy, positive relationships are (in my experience) one of the most helpful factors in coping with mental health issues, or even just non-diagnosable sadness. Humans naturally seek out connections with other humans, and fostering these connections (plus other coping mechanisms) can be literally life-saving. An essential distinction to make between toxic people and mentally ill people is that toxic people make the conscious choice to hurt others for their own personal benefit. People struggling with mental illness, on the other hand, are doing what they can to cope with something that is not in their control.

Now that that's settled, who is a toxic person?

Here’s a fairly simple category that many truly toxic people fall into: the emotional vampire. According to the Huffington Post, one of the best ways to determine whether or not someone is an emotional vampire is how you feel when they are, and are not, around you. Think: do you dread texting, calling, or meeting up with them? Does being around them cause you to beat yourself up for perceived shortcomings? If the person in question’s presence drains you of positivity, if interactions with them make you feel worthless and inferior, they may well be an emotional vampire. If you’re concerned, keep a log of your interactions with them, especially those that evoke strong feelings. If a majority of your interactions with them are negative, reconsider their place in your life.

Now, we come to the manipulator— a category that often intersects with the emotional vampire. This one is pretty straightforward: they’re that friend, loved one, or family member who takes and takes from you, draining your psyche’s resources, without giving anything back. You listen to their problems and are ignored when it comes time for them to reciprocate. They tear down your ideas and expect support for their own. These people are not in a symbiotic relationship with you— rather, they are parasites, feeding off of your emotional energy. They “collect” people to fuel their ego, and believe themselves superior and therefore justified in taking advantage of you. If you suspect someone like this is in your life, I implore you to cut them out as soon as possible— otherwise, they will likely make you into the bad guy for breaking off the relationship later on.

The final type of toxic person I’m going to discuss in this article is the inhibitor. This is perhaps the most subtle type of toxicity, the one you are least likely to notice in the first place and most likely to excuse. Think about the goals you want to achieve, whether in school, work, hobbies, or something else. This type of toxic person seeks to deter you from these goals to compensate for their own insecurity. For example, these are the people who mock those who love to discuss their well-researched interests; privately harboring a jealousy towards those who put the time and dedication into said research. Imagine that you are running a marathon: the inhibitor is riding lazily along in a golf cart beside you, trying to persuade you to move backwards.

A person is not toxic simply by virtue of their neurology, or even their outlook on life. A person becomes toxic when they drain, manipulate, and/or inhibit the pursuits of others. They do this consciously, willingly, and for their own personal benefit. The bottom line is that a person is toxic when fueling their ego takes priority over treating others with decency and respect.

I encourage you to take stock of who is in your life, and make the decision to value relationships with people who help you be the best version of yourself, and cut out those who drag you down.