I am numb to the pain of my name being used in vain, unclear as to why I'm so tainted, my love is low, lower than my expectations from individuals I'm surrounded by. A room full of people yet I'm still all alone. I clench on to my tears, as tight as I clench onto the hope that this is all just a phase.

Sadness coming in tidal waves washing away the fort of happiness I built. Some days are cloud 9 and others I'm sure there's a hell on earth. Wondering if there's a heaven because I need a safe haven. Like Goapele getting close to my dreams, but father away from the ones I loved and me.

Behind this smile, I hold back too many tears. Torn between what's fiction and what's real. Beauty and the beast is what life has been to me. Many things what seems to be good ended up bad. I feel stranded, so far away from home. Ready to push restart and get another chance, to start something new away from negativity and relapse into sadness.

Like Saw, I'm trying to solve this jigsaw puzzle before it's too late. I feel like as I figure it out the more it hurts. I seclude myself in isolation. Me myself and I always ask why life seems to hit me hardest. My reality is hard to face, I struggle to accept the fact that this is me. This is my twisted, eventful, tragic life.

Ups and downs are included on this rollercoaster I never asked to get on. Good hearts seem to no longer have any worth. Are you there, are you still listening to me? Like Picasso, you painted a picture that was way too clear. Looking out from the asylum of my thoughts I scream for peace and to see the beauty that everyone else sees.

My happiness is a disaster no apocalypse yet my whole world has crashed. I lay in the debris, looking around at the mess I call my life. The starry night is the only dark that's beautiful. My darkness holds no beauty only terror and sadness. The quiet doesn't keep me sane, it brings out the eery knowing of my depressing insecurities.

I was no Mona Lisa to you, you never seen my beauty within my eyes. If the eyes are really the windows to the soul then mine must be closed. Even when they are open, when my eyes are open wide, no blinds. When the rain grazes down my window pane you were unable to see my pain, plain and clear.

Toxic touches way back still poison me to this day. Recurring memories of a weak, unplanted seed. I am a rose who grew through the concrete, impossible, strong and fearless. When you've got nothing to lose and only to gain fear isn't something you battle, it's my main driving force.

I cry, asking why I was gifted with the bitter sweet love and journey. Why my sadness and tragedy bring this beauty. How my past hurt can be turned into positivity, from a nightmare to a fairytale. Why must my happiness always come after my own hurricane or tears?

Yours truly, a broken heart.