Poetry On Odyssey: Growing Up
Sports

Poetry On Odyssey: Growing Up

It feels weird to tell them what's going on.

17
Lindsey Ocock

There are days where I look back at then and compare it to now and it feels like nothing has changed.

I'm too scared to tell them what's going on in my head because there's no way this is real.

There's no way I feel the same as I felt alone in my dorm room a year and a half ago.

There's no way anyone can ever understand what happened as he does???


It's too much to explain or it's just too much.

It's a burden.

It's a weight.

It's an "I'm sorry."

It's me telling myself I won't cry when we're all just hanging out.

It's an "I don't want to be dramatic."

It's me feeling dramatic and negative.

It's a downer.

It's an "I don't want you to feel sorry for me."

It's a random mom asking me if I'm "OK" before I even knew I wasn't

It's me being OK.


I don't even know what "it" is.


But, he's not here.

And we were not meant to be.

I didn't mean to make this so sad

or about him.

And, I can't spend my entire life depending on a single person.


But, they're doing their own thing.

They're thriving and it feels weird not to be.

It feels weird to tell them what's going on.

So, it comes out as me being mad for no reason without explaining.

Or it comes out as me distancing myself.


But, it is about them or him.

Every person I have ever been close to

is a part of me.

So, it's about everyone because they were here for me.


I'm too old to be doing this.

I'm too old to have it together

and I'm too old to not ask for the help.


There are days I look back and everything's different.

There are days it all feels the same.

There are times I do it just for the attention.

There are times I wish I could take things back and reword everything I said.

There are moments I wish I could change.

There are moments I wouldn't take anything back.



I have a lot of growing up to do. I am 20 years old and I have growing up to do. It's so easy to go through it all and act like everything's perfect. It's all the exciting, scary, fun, sad, stressing and amazing — and sometimes it's less complicated to pretend that everything's fine. But, I've always been complicated and messy.

Everything is not fine right now, but I have growing to do and I want to be a better person every day. I'm trying to apologize for less. I'm trying to figure it out.

Growing up is difficult sometimes — I'm not perfect and I do not always have it together.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Swoon

I Started Dating A Guy Before Quarantine, But Now We Rarely Speak Unless I Double-Text

"He's really nice and cute and I like being around him when we see each other, but he's awful at communication."

Each week Swoonie B will give her advice on anonymous topics submitted by readers. Want to Ask Swoonie B something related to dating and relationships? Fill out this form here — it's anonymous.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

This Is Exactly What You Should Eat Today In Quarantine, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

You've probably been eating it the past three months,

If we added up all the minutes of my life I've stood in front of the fridge or pantry mindlessly glazing over options, it would probably amount to several years longer than I'd care to admit.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

If You Don't Think People Are Legitimately Scared To Stay In Lockdown, Think Again

People are terrified of what could happen if states stay in lockdown too long.

Coronavirus (COVID-19) continues to be the topic of discussion for most U.S. residents. From federal reopening guidelines to individual state timelines, the country is all over the place. This sparks conversations within the news, social media, and in family homes about the consequences of reopening the country incorrectly.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

If You Don't Think People Are Legitimately Scared To Reopen States, You're Not Looking Hard Enough

People are terrified of what could happen if states begin reopening too early.

Coronavirus (COVID-19) continues to be the topic of discussion for most U.S. residents. From federal reopening guidelines to individual state timelines, the country is all over the place. This sparks conversations within the news, social media, and in family homes about the consequences of reopening the country incorrectly.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Feel A Lil' Better: Because You Need To Stretch It Out

Your weekly wellness boost from Odyssey.

No matter how good (or bad) you'd describe your health, one thing is for sure: a little boost is ALWAYS a good idea. Whether that's reading a new, motivating book, or listening to a song that speaks to your soul, there are plenty of resources to help your health thrive on any given day.

Flexibility is an important part of life. Yes, you need to be able to go with the flow and adjust when needed, but literal, physical flexibility is equally handy. Not only does increased flexibility keep you safe from injury each time you work out, but a good stretch session is incredibly soothing after a long day. Your body goes through a lot! It needs to cool down and get loose after all the activities you put it through.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

5 Amazing Things That Happened To Me When I Took Just A Week Off From Social Media

I've taken one-week off social media, and here's what I learned.


You’ll think clearer.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments