Poetry On Odyssey: Growing Up
Start writing a post
Sports

Poetry On Odyssey: Growing Up

It feels weird to tell them what's going on.

18
Personal Image
Lindsey Ocock

There are days where I look back at then and compare it to now and it feels like nothing has changed.

I'm too scared to tell them what's going on in my head because there's no way this is real.

There's no way I feel the same as I felt alone in my dorm room a year and a half ago.

There's no way anyone can ever understand what happened as he does???


It's too much to explain or it's just too much.

It's a burden.

It's a weight.

It's an "I'm sorry."

It's me telling myself I won't cry when we're all just hanging out.

It's an "I don't want to be dramatic."

It's me feeling dramatic and negative.

It's a downer.

It's an "I don't want you to feel sorry for me."

It's a random mom asking me if I'm "OK" before I even knew I wasn't

It's me being OK.


I don't even know what "it" is.


But, he's not here.

And we were not meant to be.

I didn't mean to make this so sad

or about him.

And, I can't spend my entire life depending on a single person.


But, they're doing their own thing.

They're thriving and it feels weird not to be.

It feels weird to tell them what's going on.

So, it comes out as me being mad for no reason without explaining.

Or it comes out as me distancing myself.


But, it is about them or him.

Every person I have ever been close to

is a part of me.

So, it's about everyone because they were here for me.


I'm too old to be doing this.

I'm too old to have it together

and I'm too old to not ask for the help.


There are days I look back and everything's different.

There are days it all feels the same.

There are times I do it just for the attention.

There are times I wish I could take things back and reword everything I said.

There are moments I wish I could change.

There are moments I wouldn't take anything back.



I have a lot of growing up to do. I am 20 years old and I have growing up to do. It's so easy to go through it all and act like everything's perfect. It's all the exciting, scary, fun, sad, stressing and amazing — and sometimes it's less complicated to pretend that everything's fine. But, I've always been complicated and messy.

Everything is not fine right now, but I have growing to do and I want to be a better person every day. I'm trying to apologize for less. I'm trying to figure it out.

Growing up is difficult sometimes — I'm not perfect and I do not always have it together.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Leilani Encarnacion

Philadelphia has its beauty, but some of you may have not been to some of the most beautiful hidden spots in the city. This summer is a chance for new adventures and exploring, so here are a few places that I highly recommend you should visit at least once.

Keep Reading... Show less

To my boyfriend's parents,

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How Not To Go Insane During Summer

Holy cow. If you're like me, you are bored out of your mind taking summer classes all the way until August. Then just to come right back and take more classes for the Fall?

It is like I am going insane.

3996
Pexels
https://www.pexels.com/photo/sunglasses-sunset-summer-sand-46710/

I mean, I am taking rigorous classes which allow me to devote a lot of my time towards them, but still...it is only two classes. By the time I get done, I have a whole half of the day full of nothing. I end up just sitting on my phone for most of the day instead of doing something practical.

So here I have compiled a list of how to keep yourself from not going crazy!

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Week One of Being A Freshie Again

August rolls around, and school starts again...

3603
Week One of Being A Freshie Again
Dear Freshman Me,

Most of us officially embarked on the journey of college. Yay! more school, how great is that? (Sarcasm people) This past week has been my first week at this amazing university. I've been finding all of the neat little short cuts that save me 10 minutes to get to a class, or just allow me to de-stress a little when I feel over whelmed.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments