Not many people understand me. It’s not because they don’t listen or they don’t care. It’s not like they purposefully try to make me feel insane. I’m just a complicated human being. I have had to come to accept this fact about myself.
My best friends sometimes can’t keep up with me. At times when I’m misunderstood, I can’t help but want to be understood. It’s exhausting explaining why I feel a certain way or decided to do something. Absolutely exhausting. I feel like I’m preaching in a different language most of the time.
Through much searching, I eventually found a few friends who understand me. They get that I will sometimes be depressed for absolutely no reason at all. They understand how my anxiety makes me not want to do certain things. They understand my anxiety attacks. They understand how to calm me down when I feel like my world is falling apart.
Common misconceptions are: why I act the way I do, why I think the way I do, and why my viewpoints are what they are.
I personally understand myself very well. I have learned to take my anxiety and depression at face value. I have learned (somewhat) how to handle them. But most importantly, I have learned to accept that, if anything, my mental disorders have made me stronger. Granted, they’ve had their downfalls as well. Some include: days that I can’t for the life of me get out of bed, days when I sleep too much, sleepless nights, anxious dreams, terrible presentation skills, anxiety in social situations, among so many other situations I have had to manage my life around.
Most definitely, though, I have grown from my experiences. I am able to do things now that I would have never imagined when I was younger. I studied abroad in England for a semester. For some, that may seem like no big deal, but for someone who is anxious about change and unknowns, it really put my anxiety to the test.
Depression and anxiety are just a part of me, and I understand they’re not always the easiest to comprehend (especially if you don’t experience them regularly). Generally the things about me that are not comprehended well are linked to my depression and anxiety. I have several friends who have absolutely no idea what either feel like. I’m glad they haven’t had to experience them, but it does make it difficult to explain why I’m sensitive to certain things and situations.
On the other hand, I have friends who have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Major Depressive Disorder just as I do. I’m not grateful that they have these disorders, but it does make it easier to relate to them. I can explain how I had an anxiety attack over a nasty breakup, and they completely understand how that could be possible. They understand the inability to breathe. The hyperventilating. The crying. The sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. The thoughts that the situation seems like it will never be over. They get the sweaty palms. The panic feeling. They get that panic and anxiety attacks seem virtually impossible to get out of. They get me on a level that some people just can’t.
I’d like to thank my friends for sticking by me whether they understand my mental disorders or not. I’d like to thank my family for dealing with me even if they don’t always understand me and I’m difficult to be around sometimes.
I promise, I’m trying to learn how to deal with my depression and anxiety as well. It’s definitely not always easy.
